014 - Protectors - Stand Your Ground
014 - Protectors - Stand Your Ground
Content Warnings
- Being restrained
- Physical violence
- Hallucinations
- Gore sounds
- Panic attacks
[Show intro plays]
ROVER
Hello everyone and welcome back to Remains To Be Seen. The DnD show where one group's past can determine the other group's future. I am your host and DM Rover Elliot, pronouns he/they, and today I am here with...
ALYSSA
Alyssa, she/her.
RIK
Rik, he/him.
ZOE
Zoe, she/they.
MIKE
Mike, he/him.
ROVER
And you guys are playing...?
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Yitri, she/her, and we're shopping! Hope nothing goes wrong over shopping! Cause what could go wrong while shopping? (Giggles)
RIK [as PIERRE]
Pierre Ardoise, he/him. I'm currently pinned to a wall. Uhm... And I wish I could say it was on better circumstances.
ZOE [as ALEKS]
Aleks, he/him. And I... I'm really glad that we finally have a bit of downtime.
MIKE [as KOL]
Kol, he/him. And, uh... Why does everyone always get into trouble when I'm not around?
ROVER
So Mike, do you wanna explain why things are going wrong when you're not around?
MIKE
Sure can, Ro! On the previous episode that you may or may not have listened to, and if you haven't; what are you doing? Go back and listen to that, ya silly! We were in Waterloo Station and we were there to get information about what was going on with a guy called Jonny. So we, after having a brief chat with Miguel in a previous episode, we went into Nyx's shop where we found out a lot more about this Jonny character. Including the fact that they're not even there. And so we found out, not only where they've gone, but also the fact that they went there with a tarot card. Which was described as a hyper-obsession, but actually wasn't necessarily, because there's a magic afoot, dear listener. There's magic everywhere in this! And so the Bounty Hunters, while we were there, were kinda angry, because we're kinda working for the government. And they... well, one of them, unbeknownst to most of us apart from one person, am I right, Rik?
[Rik chuckles sarcastically]
They followed us to where we were going, which was shopping! And so we went out into the streets to go and stock up on things that we haven't got. Like health potions and violets. And now we find ourselves in a bit of a pickle where we've all separated and Rik is being pinned to a wall for reasons.
[Rik laughs]
ALYSSA
And not in a good way!
ZOE
Not for good reasons, no.
RIK
I'm being pinned to a wall? Hold up, Pierre is being pinned to a wall.
RIK [as PIERRE]
I'm being pinned to a wall.
MIKE
No, no, Rik, I've put you in this scene.
ZOE
No, Rik, you too. You actually too.
MIKE
You're being pinned to a completely different wall in a different part of the city. (Laughs)
RIK
Oh. Oh, dear. In a better way?
ZOE
(Laughs) A different part of...
MIKE
In a much better way.
ALYSSA
Aye-o!
[Laughter]
ROVER
It's just Rik and Pierre next to each other being like,
RIK
"First time?" (Laughs)
ROVER
"So, we are also here in this situation?" “Yeah. (Mumbles)” Anyway. So with this weird energy that is still in the room; how did that happen? It's totally not like we're recording it on the same day.
[Eerie electronic music starts playing]
Kol, you just had the plant that you were holding withering and die and then see the shadow cast on the ground. Following the gaze through the streets, through the buildings, to a… Pierre…
[Music stops]
MIKE
"Following the gays through the street."
ROVER
Following the g– (Laughs)
MIKE
"Following the... The shadows following the gays through the streets." (Laughs)
RIK
Thank god I wasn't the only one who noticed!
ROVER
Wow! I did not even notice that. You know, the gays!
[Laughter]
The gays are everywhere! (Laughs)
ZOE
And we're not even with Aleks and Miguel right now!
MIKE
(Laughing) Oh my god. Why do you... Leave the gays alone! Leave the gays alone!
ROVER
Follow the gays!
MIKE
Leave the gays alone!
ROVER
So... (Still laughing) You can see through the streets and through the buildings…
[Music starts playing again]
… Pierre who is now being pinned to a wall by a gnome in full plate armor with a giant axe in their other hand. And Yitri also rolled a 15 for her Perception check.
ALYSSA
She is perceptive, guys.
ROVER
You... She is. She's pretty perceptive.
ALYSSA
Yeah! She did it. She did it. She's not lying! (Chuckles)
[Rik chuckles as the music stops again and crowd noises being]
ROVER
You can hear that there's some commotion going on outside. But there isn't really anything specific as... You think you hear the same voice that you heard in your head from somewhere in the shop.
[Crowd noises quiet down and soft birdsong and outdoor ambience begins]
The one who decided to help you in a way. You think you hear that from somewhere in the shop that you are currently in. But you also hear stuff happening outside.
ALYSSA
Okay, so Yitri's gonna stand very conflicted. Because on one hand there's stuff going on outside and she's nosy. And on the other hand there's... As much as she is nosy, she also wants to know what the fuck is going on half the time. Which is the same thing, but you know what I mean. So she is gonna quickly... Can I roll an Investigation or something and see if I can hear more of the voice?
ROVER
Yes. Roll me an Investigation check.
ALYSA
My Investigation! My Investigation is a... Where is it? I just had it. Oh, plus 2! Yay!
[Dice clacks]
I got a nat 20! I got a 22 with that!
MIKE
Whoah! Let's go!
ROVER
Yeah, that's funny. Okay. The voice is coming from a couple aisles away. And it is…
ROVER [as MYSTERIOUS VOICE #2]
Oh, yeah, I'm sure she's looking for me.
ROVER
You can clearly hear that in the same voice.
ALYSSA
Okay. So, Yitri... She's gonna do... cause she kinda looks outside, she's like, "There's definitely something. I should probably care more about that." But there's something in her that compels her to keep going after this voice. And so she's gonna walk... trying to stealthily walk towards it just to get a better glimpse of what's going on. Do you want me to roll Stealth or just let it happen?
ROVER
Yeah? I think we can just let it happen.
ALYSSA
Okay! Yay!
ROVER
So, do you walk towards the sound of the voice?
ALYSSA
Yeah. Kind of in the way where it looks like she's just shopping and she just happens to show up there, you know? But, like...
ROVER
Mmhmm.
ALYSSA
Yeah.
ROVER
So, the moment you are certain that you are near the right aisle you can see someone in kind of like this slightly flowy outfit walk just away from that aisle. And do you want to continue following them?
ALYSSA
Yes. I think I want to a little more. And if it's another... if they go away one more time, she's like, "You know what? I'm just gonna go outside." (Chuckles)
ROVER
Every time you think you are about to spot them, they turn a corner. And you just can't see them. Once they went past the corner, they walk outside and immediately, once they're outside, they're also just gone. You can't catch them anymore.
ALYSSA
Okay. So, Yitri's gonna go outside and realize that person's gone. And do I see what's happening? (Chuckles)
ROVER
As you are looking outside you can see Pierre being pinned to a wall by the gnome.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Oh my god! Pierre!
RIK [as PIERRE]
Hi, Yitri!
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Pierre, what the…
ALYSSA
She's gonna run towards him!
ROVER
So with Pierre and... for as the listeners would know as Urd, the others won't know him.
RIK
Who's Urd?
MIKE
I was gonna say, actually no idea. No idea who this is.
ZOE
Fucking hate Urd.
ROVER
Yeah, it was Urd. Yeah, exactly, so that's good.
MIKE
First time I've heard of him.
ALYSSA
Sounds like a nerd!
ZOE
Oh yeah.
RIK
Urd the Nerd.
ZOE
Sounds like a nerd we should kill.
[Laughter]
ROVER
And he goes,
ROVER [as URD]
So you're gonna fix this, right?
RIK [as PIERRE]
Fix what? What do we need to fix?
ROVER [as URD]
You're gonna make sure that we don't get fucking outlawed!
RIK [as PIERRE]
Well, y–
ROVER [as URD]
I've been working hard enough for this place. And you and your little friends are not gonna continue ruining this!
RIK [as PIERRE]
Well, you'll do yourself something better if you let loose of me.
ROVER [as URD]
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You're gonna stay right here until you tell me how you're gonna fix it!
ALYSSA
Can Yitri come behind and be like...
ROVER
Mmhmm, you can come in, yeah.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
What the...? Pierre, what's going on?
ROVER
You can see Urd rolling their eyes and, not really letting you go, but at least stop pinning you to the wall, still holding your sleeve and is like,
ROVER [as URD]
Oh, part 2 is here, alright.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
ROVER [as URD]
"What is that supposed to mean?" Well, you guys are about to make me fucking unemployed. That's what’s supposed to mean.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Whoa, hey, I-I don't even know who you are. How am I making you unemployed? I don't get this.
ROVER [as URD]
You guys are gonna make sure that we are outlawed, so I'm making sure to your, uh, friend or whatever that that is not going to happen.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Wait, wait, wait, wait! Oh, okay. No, no, we're not trying to get you outlawed! We don't wanna do that. I mean, I don't.
ROVER [as URD]
Oh, I'm sure you aren't. That's why you're working with Tobias.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
I don't know, man! I literally been in the UK for like 24 hours, man. I just needed a job and there was a poster, okay? I have no, like... I mean, also helping people and what not. But I haven't... I... (Sighs) I understand you're upset, because yeah, what it looks like; we're taking your job. But we don't... it's not.. We don't want it to be outlawed. I mean, I think that...
ALYSSA
She kinda lowers her voice, she's like,
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
What... What's going on? The more eyes, the better. Like, we need more people to be on top of this. I mean, it's a lot of people that are missing in a lot of weird places. So if anything, I think we should... There should be more!
ROVER [as URD]
Yeah, and we are going to fix it.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Yeah!
ROVER [as URD]
My friend has a really, really good team ready to go find everyone.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Okay. Uhuh.
ROVER [as URD]
We do not need you guys.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Why not? I mean, like, look...
RIK [as PIERRE]
But you're not helping your case.
ROVER [as URD]
Oh, shut the fuck up!
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Hey, don't talk to Pierre like that!
ROVER [as URD]
I can talk to him however I want.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
(Laughs) I'm glad you think so.
ALYSSA
She takes her axe off her back and holds it.
ROVER
Mmhmm. And before anything gets worse, I would like to know what Aleks is doing with his fantastic moment. Kol, by the way, can hop in with the conversation the moment he wants to. So, Aleks, what are you...
ZOE
You mean, in the meantime? (Laughing) Or where we...
ROVER
Yeah.
ZOE
So, I'm still with Miguel, right?
ROVER
Yeah.
ZOE
Okay. What are the chances that, you know, when we leave the store... (Laughing) Why are you laughing, Alyssa?
ALYSSA
I feel like I know where this is going. And the juxtaposition of what I think is gonna happen and what's happening, I swear is really funny.
RIK
Yes. (Chuckles)
ZOE
So, when we leave the store, what are the chances that we hear street music from just a musician down the street.
ROVER
I'm sure there is some, yeah.
ZOE
Amazing. So, what I was thinking. You know, just as a nice little break, right? So they step outside and Aleks hears the music. Do I know from where it's coming? Like, could I, you know, just go into the direction?
ROVER
Yeah, absolutely.
[Soft acoustic music starts playing]
ZOE
Amazing. He is going to, kinda like... very carefully as if he's kinda uncertain, but he also really wants to just follow the music. So he carefully grabs Miguel's hand and begins to drag him into the direction of where the music is coming from to see if he can find this musician.
ROVER
Mmhmm.
ZOE
Do we?
ROVER
Yeah, sure. I will say there is an Elvish woman singing and playing music on a lyre on the streets.
[Woman starts singing softly]
ZOE
So, okay. They stop in front of it, like, in front of the woman. Aleks lets go of Miguel's hand and he seems really... A mix of really happy, but also really sad. You can see in his eyes they're kinda glowing with listening to music. But his eyes fall on the lyre and they grow kinda distant. It's like he's still enjoying the music, but there's just something else going on. And once again, his hand kinda goes to his pocket where the piece of paper is in and he just kinda stands there listening to the music.
ROVER
I'm gonna see if Miguel notices this, because for some reason all my NPC's do not notice anything.
[Dice thump]
Oh, he does. How wonderful. He lets you do your thing for a moment before he, with a hesitant motion, puts his hand on your shoulder and he squeezes it. And doesn't really say anything. You can tell that he is not... He would ask questions, however he is just not interrupting the moment that you clearly seem to have with your emotions.
[Music slowly stops]
And while that is continuing to happen, we're panning back to Kol, if you want to, you can find Pierre as well and who is now with Yitri.
MIKE
"If I want to?" Of course I flippin' want to!
[Laughter]
ROVER
Yeah, no, then go for it!
MIKE
What is this, "If you want to"?
ALYSSA
You have free will, my guy.
ROVER
I'm not gonna decide... Like, you can see stuff and be like, "Oh, they can deal with it themselves." I'm not gonna decide that!
RIK
Koltrast is just gonna do a classic *tap tap* on the shoulder and just *pow!* in the face. (Laughs)
MIKE
Well, I mean, you could nick my entire bit, Rik. Or, you know, you could... (Laughs) Oh my god.
RIK
Oh, it was just a suggestion, you know? Fuck this guy. I mean, what? What?
MIKE
No, no, no! I was gonna do something else.
ROVER
Go for it.
MIKE
I was gonna do something way cooler. I was gonna... No, that is exactly what I was gonna do. (Laughs)
[Laughter]
RIK
(Laughing) No! You're kidding! You're kidding! No!
MIKE
So, I think because Kol saw what was going on, I think he would've immediately reacted to it.
ROVER
Mmhmm.
MIKE
So Kol, being the guy that he is, would have... I know what he would've done. Kol would have taken a moment to put the flower down and then flown up to the rooftop above where they are to see how this situation was gonna play out. Because he's learned a few lessons about a few different bits and pieces while working with these people.
ROVER
Mmhmm.
MIKE
And thought maybe this is someone that they know. Maybe this is something that he doesn't have any right interfering with. And then sees Yitri come over...
[Alyssa laughs]
...and the situation is kind of escalating.
ROVER
Mmhmm.
MIKE
So, I think what he's gonna do is fly down behind this guy and land as quietly as he can. And then tap him twice on the shoulder. And give him one of these. Holds up fists to camera.
[Laughter]
There you go, listeners. I'm giving you all of the hot details that you were looking for! In this: your probably favorite podcast.
ROVER
Give me a Stealth check.
MIKE
That is a 19.
ALYSSA
Whoo!
ZOE
Look at that!
ROVER
(Whispering) He's not very perceptive.
[Mike laughs]
[Dice thumps]
ZOE
Of course not, it's fucking Urd. I don't expect anything from that guy.
RIK
Fucking Urd. (Giggles)
ROVER
You know what the funny thing is? It's a 19 and he rolled an 18. However he has a zero on Perception.
ALYSSA
Fuck! Clutch!
ZOE
Of course he does. It's Urd.
MIKE
(Laughs in relief) Oh! Oh! Goodness.
ROVER
I'm gonna say you don't even need to hit his AC. I'm gonna allow you to just give the attack. Because it's cool.
MIKE
Oh my goodness. Really?
ROVER
Yeah.
MIKE
Damn, man! So, because… Well, for those of you who don't know; Aarkocra get an additional modifier to melee attacks, because they have talons. So instead of it being a standard melee attack, it is 1D6 plus 3 damage, I believe.
ROVER
Okay. Yeah, roll me the damage.
MIKE
Let's see. Let's see what happens.
[Dice clacks]
It is 5 damage.
ROVER
Right. So, *tap tap* and you punch him in the face…
[Thud]
… and it's just, like... immediately letting go of Pierre. His axe drops…
[Metal clinks]
… and he immediately puts a hand to his face. You can see that his nose is now also broken.
ALYSSA
Whoo! Good job!
ROVER [as URD]
(Pained) Ah, for fuck's sake!
MIKE
Kol is saying nothing. He just walks closer towards him while he's stumbling backwards. And he's ready for round 2.
ROVER
Okay, then I will probably say, if we're ready for round 2 and people are not gonna stop Kol, I'm gonna ask for an Initiative roll.
RIK
Let's fucking do it.
ALYSSA
I was just gonna have Yitri just be like,
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
I was gonna do that!
[Mike laughs]
RIK [as PIERRE]
I gave you every chance to back down!
MIKE
Kol is just silent.
ROVER
Give me Initiative.
[Alyssa moans]
MIKE
Alright. Okay.
ROVER
While Aleks and Miguel are not here.
[Dice ASMR]
ALYSSA
I got a 4.
MIKE
In fact. Hold on. Yitri.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Yeah?
MIKE
Wait, Yitri, did you actually say that out loud?
ALYSSA
Yeah, she's gonna be like,
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
(Scoffs) I was gonna do that!
MIKE
You see... When you say, "I was gonna do that," Kol, you see him look to you very slightly and wink.
[Laughter]
RIK
(Laughs) I love Kol, oh my god.
ALYSSA
I love Kol and Yitri's friendship that's developing, kind of. It's very silly.
MIKE
(Chuckles) You know, I kinda do, too, to be fair. Also, I'm assuming if he's in full plate, he's not wearing a helmet.
ROVER
No, he's not.
MIKE
Thank god for that. (Laughs) That would’ve hurt. (Laughs)
ALYSSA
Just bitch-slapping a man in a fucking helmet.
RIK
Alright, we got a 15 on mine.
ROVER
Mmhmm, anyone above a 15? No? Anyone above a 10?
ALYSSA
No...
ROVER
Above a 5?
ALYSSA
No...
MIKE
Yeah, I got an 8. (Laughs)
ROVER
Okay.
ALYSSA
I got a 4.
ROVER
Then it's Urd and then we have Yitri. Got it. Alright. Cool.
MIKE
Oh, no...
ROVER
Before we go into this, I wanna first know from Zoe if there's anything important you still want to do. Before we head into this... well, punching battle.
ALYSSA
Brawl.
ZOE
Uhm… No.
ROVER
Okay.
ZOE
Just a bit of downtime with some music.
ROVER
Okay.
ZOE
So he's just vibing with Miguel. That's great for me.
MIKE
Man, what a smash cut. It's like pure violence and smash cut to classical music.
ALYSSA
It's like, "Aw, look how..."
MIKE
A nice coffee shop, interior. (Laughs)
[Laughter]
So. Pierre, you're first in Initiative order.
RIK
Alright. Pierre is gonna do the old one-two punch with Fury of Blows.
ALYSSA
Ooh! (Laughs)
RIK
Gonna spend a focus point to fucking punch him in the guts.
MIKE
Wait. (Laughs)
ALYSSA
There's armor there!
RIK
Okay, that's true. Alright. Uuh, face. Face. Yes. Yes.
MIKE
Yeah, you gotta aim for the face, dude.
RIK [as PIERRE]
Thank you, Koltrast, I knew that.
[Laughter]
ROVER
So, explain to me how Flurry of Blows works.
RIK
Flurry of Blows is a thing I get from my monk. My being of a monk, yes. I can spend a Focus Point, which at the moment I have three of, to do two unarmored strikes as a bonus action.
ROVER
Yeah, I was about to say it's a bonus action. Which means you can technically also still punch as an action. Okay, yeah, no, if you... You wanna start with your two unarmed strikes?
RIK
Yes, I am gonna start with my two unarmed strikes. I'm just assuming that he has a spear on his back, still. Like he was not expecting to be dragged out of a fucking store while he's shopping.
ROVER
Give me the attack roll.
RIK
Alright, alright.
[Dice clacks]
Guys... (Laughs)
ROVER
Pierre.
RIK
Okay, so I rolled a 2 plus my attack bonus, that's an 8.
ZOE
Damn.
RIK
Horrible.
ROVER
So, that misses. That goes... Yeah, you hit the armor.
[Whoosh followed by a metal clang]
RIK
Yeah, he was just still stumbling from being pinned to the wall, you know? Obviously.
ROVER
Give me another one.
RIK
Wait, so I don't roll for both of them at the same time?
ROVER
I don't think you do. It's two unarmed strikes. I count them as separate.
RIK
Ah, okay, fair enough. So this second strike is an 11 plus 6, that's 17.
ROVER
Still hits armor.
[Another whoosh followed by a metal clang]
RIK
Fuck! Argh!
ROVER
You still have your action, though. You can still punch him.
[Mike laughs]
RIK
You know what? I'm gonna get this motherfucker! Ah!
[Sounds of dice falling on the ground]
Do not throw them on the fucking ground, Rik!
ROVER
And the dice on the floor.
[Laughter]
RIK
It's 18 plus 6, that is a 24. Does it finally hit?
ROVER
That hits.
[Meaty thud]
RIK
(Laughing) Floor Dice! Let's go!
MIKE
Floor Dice!
ROVER
Give me your unarmed strike damage.
RIK
A D6 plus 4 Bludgeoning. And I threw a 3, so that's 7.
ROVER
He takes 7 damage to his already bleeding face.
RIK
Nice.
ROVER
Kol, then I assume it's your turn.
MIKE
Wow, really? I got an 8. Is it my turn?
ALYSSA
There's only four of us.
ROVER
Urd rolled a 6.
MIKE
Wow! Oh my lord. Right, okay. He's watching what everyone else is doing, but he's really watching Yitri.
ROVER
Mmhmm.
MIKE
And he's gonna try and set up this guy so that Yitri can go in for a swing. So he... for his action, he's actually gonna try and push him prone.
ROVER
Okay.
MIKE
So he's going to grab him by the face, push him towards the wall and onto the floor.
ROVER
Yeah, give me a Strength check.
[Dice clacks]
I'm already gonna apologize to Jo that they might kill him here.
MIKE
It's a 2.
[Alyssa loses it]
That's what I rolled.
ROVER
So, you know what I said?
MIKE
Yep.
ROVER
No, you try to push him and he... You just do not have the Strength for it. His armor is really heavy. For his size, he's also, like, pretty buff. You don't have the strength to push him over.
MIKE
Okay, alright.
ROVER
Anything you wanna do with your bonus action or your movement?
MIKE
What would I like to do (laughing) with my bonus action or my movement? I would like to… Wait, Ro.
ROVER
Mmhmm?
MIKE
Wind Caller, can I use that as a bonus action? Or is that an action?
ROVER
It's an Aarakocra thing, right?
MIKE
Yeah, the trait, yeah. It allows you to cast Gust of Wind.
ROVER
Gust of Wind is... an action.
[Mike sighs]
Sorry, man.
MIKE
That is... No, that is quite alright. Would you let me take another swing at him as a bonus action?
ROVER
You know what? I will. Just cause I want to.
[Mike laughs]
ALYSSA
You're being so nice to us, today!
ROVER
Yeah, I honestly feel like I can be nice. No, yeah, sure, go for it.
MIKE
It's just a standard hit, right?
ROVER
Yeah, unarmed strike, yeah.
MIKE
Unarmed strike, yeah. Which is just a flat 20. Let's see what's up.
[Dice clacks
(Laughs)
ROVER
Uh oh.
MIKE
It's a 7. (Laughs)
ALYSSA
Bro.
ROVER
Oh god!
MIKE
Kol just goes to try and push him and realizes immediately that he can't push him over. And backs up from him, pushes off his armor, goes in for a swing, and just completely beanses it.
ROVER
Yeah.
MIKE
Like, there's nothing but air in front of that fist.
[Whoosh]
ROVER
So, I assume that is your turn?
MIKE
That is my turn.
ROVER
Alright. So, Urd is gonna duck under your arm as you swing and he is going to try to grab his axe again. And that makes an opportunity attack from you. Which basically means; if he moved out of your space, you can give an attack while he's moving.
MIKE
Alright.
ROVER
So, yeah, give me another attack.
MIKE
Sighs) It's a 13.
ROVER
Misses.
[Whoosh]
MIKE
Shit.
ROVER
So he grabs his axe –
MIKE
Oh, no! Sorry! No, no, no! No, sorry, no, no, no. It's a 16, sorry. It's a 13 plus 3. Apologies, it's a 16.
ROVER
Still misses.
MIKE
Ah, shit! (Laughs)
ROVER
Still misses. And he grabs his axe and he's like,
ROVER [as URD]
Oh, this is going to be fun!
[Rik groans]
ROVER
And he is going to take a swing at Kol.
MIKE
Alrighty, then.
ALYSSA
I have a plan. Don't worry, guys.
[Dice thumps]
RIK
Please.
ROVER
How? How?!
ALYSSA
No!
ROVER
How do I keep critting on Kol?! How –? This is not even...
MIKE
Argh!
ALYSSA
No! No! No! No!
ROVER
I'm.. Okay. Sorry.
MIKE
I knew it. I knew it. I knew it! Every attack against me is a crit. This game is telling me something.
ROVER
I genuinely...
MIKE
I don't think I'm supposed to be here. (Laughs)
ROVER
I changed dice!
RIK
It was rigged from the start.
ROVER
Let me double check on how much the Greataxe is.
MIKE
I knew it was gonna be a Greataxe, as well. This is gonna be a lot of damage.
ALYSSA
Oh god.
MIKE
This is gonna be a lot of damage.
ALYSSA
Oh god. I know what a Greataxe is.
[Mike groans]
It's a D12. It's a D12. I have a Greataxe, too. It's a D12.
ROVER
So, that's 2D12.
MIKE
2D12.
ALYSSA
Two?!
ROVER
Plus 4.
[Ominous dice thumps]
ALYSSA
Two?
ROVER
And that is...
MIKE
If this is maximum damage, I'm dead.
ROVER
16. Damage.
MIKE
(Relieved) Oh, thank god!
RIK
Christ!
ROVER
So he slices into you.
[Sounds of a knife slicing]
MIKE [as KOL]
(Pained) Oh god!
ROVER
Technically he's a little bit higher up level Barbarian. He technically has two attacks. I'm gonna say that one of his attacks is gone by picking up his Greataxe. Which makes it, right now, Yitri's turn.
ALYSSA
First, Zoe has a question.
ROVER
Oh, Zoe, yes!
ZOE
Yeah, so for absolutely no reason whatsoever, and absolutely no connection with anything that just happened...
ROVER
Yeah.
ZOE
How possible is it for me to see this fight at some point?
ROVER
Give me a Perception check.
ZOE
I still have spell slots! (Laughs) So...
[Laughter]
[Dice clacks]
ZOE
That is a 15.
ROVER
15?
ZOE
Yeah.
ROVER
Yeah, you can... Once the music stops, you can hear the commotion going on a street away from you. And I will allow you to join in in the next round when... if you decide to go there.
ZOE
Yeah. I would probably just look at Miguel and then kinda sigh.
ROVER
Fuck! Miguel's there!
ZOE
Yeah.
RIK
Oh no! Oh no!
ROVER
Oh!
MIKE
Oh no! (Laughs)
ROVER
Yeah, no, cont–. Okay, Aleks, continue. Sorry.
ZOE
And Aleks just kinda sighs and starts walking in the direction of the commotion. He has kind of like an idea of what might be happening. And also, as Zoe; Alyssa, should your idea not work, I also have one.
MIKE
Also, Alyssa; should yours and Zoe's idea not work, I also have one, don't you worry.
ALYSSA
Got it. Got it.
RIK
Am I the only one without an idea? (Chuckles)
ALYSSA
(Chuckling) Yeah.
ROVER
While you guys are walking, Miguel is loading his... Is getting his bow ready. Yitri, it's your turn.
ALYSSA
So what I wanna do is, I want to trip Urd and get him on the floor and take his axe from him.
MIKE
Ooh!
ROVER
Ooh, now that's a... Now, let's see how we can do that mechanically.
ALYSSA
Okay.
ROVER
You can push... You can see if you can push him prone.
ALYSSA
Okay, I'm gonna push him prone.
ROVER
Which gives a Strength check.
ALYSSA
Okay.
[Dice clacks]
I got a 16.
ROVER
I'm gonna see. Yeah, you trip him.
[Thud]
ALYSSA
Fuck yes! Okay. So she's gonna kick her foot elegantly underneath his and he's gonna go to the ground and she's going... Can she take his axe, or no? Is that too much?
ROVER
I will say, give me one more Strength roll and then we'll see that he's also gonna…
[Dice ASMR]
ALYSSA
That's gonna be a natural 20.
MIKE
Oh, hell yeah!
ROVER
Yeah, you can.
MIKE
Oh, hell yeah!
ALYSSA
So she's gonna pick up his axe and point it at him and say,
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
I know you're upset, but this is not the time and not the place. If anything, you're making things worse for yourself. You're making... You're giving people more of a reason to outlaw you. So, my suggestion, what I think you should do, is I think you should take your axe– I'll give it back to you, I promise – take your axe, and leave me and my friends alone. Okay? We're not here to harm you, but you caused... y-you put this upon yourself. Got it?
ROVER
Aleks, roll me Initiative order. Just to see when you come in.
RIK
Oh my god.
ZOE
Dirty 20!
MIKE
Oh, wow.
RIK
Okay, so this is the moment where you and Miguel come in.
[Dice thumps]
ZOE
Holy fucking shit, okay. So, we basically kinda just round the corner and join in with the scene that Yitri just did, right?
ROVER
Yeah, so basically, you can see now a gnome in full plate armor on the ground with a bleeding nose and face. And have his own axe pointed towards him.
ZOE
Aleks comes in, right? And he's looking at this... just entire scene.
ZOE [as ALEKS]
What are you guys doing? We were supposed to be shopping!
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
We were trying to shop!
ZOE
And he looks at the gnome on the ground and he sees that he is currently unarmed, cause Yitri's holding his axe. And he looks around, he thinks for a moment, and he holds out his hand to help the gnome up.
RIK [as PIERRE]
How pleasant of you to assume that it was our fault.
ZOE [as ALEKS]
I didn't say that!
RIK [as PIERRE]
You haven't implied it.
ROVER
Miguel has the bow loaded against... like, towards him. ierre, it is your turn, so you can continue doing what you want before he can do anything. I'm gonna keep you guys in Initiative order for now.
RIK
So, he's on the ground, yeah?
ROVER
Mmhmm.
RIK
Is he, kind of, resisting against me on the ground?
ROVER
Oh, he's...
[Mike laughs]
He's looking at Aleks' hand. You can clearly see that he's thinking about his options here.
RIK
Uhm... Pierre is gonna take some rope out of his backpack and is gonna tie up his hands.
ROVER
Give me a Strength check! Because now he's absolutely going to resist.
RIK
Hmm.
[Dice rolls and falls on the floor]
ALYSSA
Guess he doesn't like being tied up.
ROVER
Never-fucking-mind, that is a natural 1.
[Laughter]
So unless you also have a natural 1...
RIK
I do have a 12.
ROVER
Yeah, no, you're fine, cause he rolled a natural 1. You're alright, you can tie up his hands. He is going to spit at you. Cause he's fucking annoyed.
RIK
Does the spit happen to land on my beautiful Armor of Gleaming?
[Laughter and clapping]
ROVER
Yes. And then it doesn't happen, because...
MIKE
(Laughs) I was wondering when this was gonna come back!
ALYSSA
I fucking love that thing! I love that thing!
RIK
Pierre, absolutely not fazed by what he just did, just looks at it and sees the spit disappear from his shirt.
ROVER
Mmhmm.
ALYSSA
Aura! Aura! (Laughing) High moments in aura.
[Laughter]
ROVER
With his hands tied, I will take you guys out of Initiative order, unless something changes.
MIKE
Well, if we're out of Initiative, Kol, after watching this whole scene, he's panting and bleeding and he walks over to Yitri and just puts an arm on her and is like,
MIKE [as KOL]
(Sighing from exhaustion) You did good, kid. You did good.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Thanks. Hey, you need one of the health potions? Cause you look pretty bad. Y-you need help?
MIKE [as KOL]
Oh, no. No, it's fine. It's fine.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
No, you do. No, it's not fine, dude. Y-you got pretty...
MIKE [as KOL]
No, it's okay. I've got this. (Pained groan)
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Are you sure? A-are you also... You need a...
ALYSSA
Is Yitri still holding Urd's axe?
ROVER
Yeah.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
D'you wanna use this to hold yourself up?
ALYSSA
(Laughing) And hands him the axe.
MIKE
(Laughs) Kol, knowing that he didn't have the strength to push over a gnome in plate armor while being handed a Greataxe...
ROVER
Mmhmm.
MIKE
... looks at the axe while holding his wound and is like,
MIKE [as KOL]
(Pained) N-no.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Okay, that's... Okay.
MIKE [as KOL]
No. I-I'm fine.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Okay.
ALYSSA
And she puts it on the ground next to her and pats it on the ground, she's like,
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
I have one of my own, I don't need that. But anyway, so... Hey, uhm, I don't know your name. What's your name, guy?
ALYSSA
She points at Urd, she's like,
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
What's your name?
MIKE
Yeah, as Kol mirrors it and looks down at the gnome and just goes,
MIKE [as KOL]
Who the fuck are you?
ROVER
Give me a Persuasion check.
[Dice clacks]
And if someone wants to do an Intimidation, I will also accept that.
MIKE
Oh, 100% I'm doing an Intimidation check, then. Let's go.
ROVER
Alright, go for Intimidation.
ALYSSA
I got another unnatural 20 for Persuasion. (Laughs)
ROVER
Unnatural 20.
ZOE
Nice.
ROVER
For Persuasion. And for Intimidation?
MIKE
16.
ALYSSA
I'm finally rolling well for something that's not lying to Pierre, I'm so happy! (Laughs)
RIK
(Laughing) Yeah, thank you!
[Laughter]
ROVER
So, I rolled for it. You can see that he's not intimidated at all. He rolled an 18. And with Persuasion he's like,
ROVER [as URD]
My name is Urd. You don't need to know anything else.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
You know, I-I need to know one more thing, actually. What was that about? I mean, okay, I get it, you gave me your whole tragic backstory, like, (Mocking) "Oh, I'm gonna get unemployed." I get it. You gave me that. But, why, in public, take it out on Pierre? You brought him into a public space.
ROVER [as URD]
He's fucking easy.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Woah, okay! No need to slutshame Pierre, okay?
[Everyone bursts out laughing]
Number one; no need to do that.
RIK
Does Yitri actually say that?
ALYSSA
Yes! With her full chest! She says that!
MIKE
Wow!
ZOE
Aleks facepalms in the background.
RIK
Pierre, kind of, pettily says,
RIK [as PIERRE]
I'm not easy!
RIK
And he gets a little bit red. (Laughs)
MIKE
Kol looks at Yitri and in a way, because he's so close to her, he just gently says,
MIKE [as KOL]
I don't think that's what he meant.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Oh, I know. Yeah. Now that you... Now that I said it out loud; yeah. But that either. He's a very strong guy, okay? Number one. That's... I don't know why I'm counting, but that's what we're starting with, right now. But also, that says a lot more about you than it does about my buddy Pierre, okay? You're going after the quote-unquote easy one, cause you don't think you're strong enough to take on someone like, let's say me or Kol over here.
ROVER [as URD]
Oh, shut the fuck up. I could take you, easily.
MIKE [as KOL]
Hmm. Seems like you didn't, though. Friend.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Exactly! You didn't. You're on the floor. So, clearly you didn't. But anyway. I just want you to know that this wasn't a smart move on your part. And I don't wanna hurt you. I mean, I wanna hurt you a little, but I don't wanna kill you, because I don't need to do that. That's a waste of my time. But I just want you to know that that was completely unnecessary and we didn't have to do any of that.
[Rover laughs]
And now, look what you did with Kol! Just because you wanted to be a little bitch, okay? What the fuck was that about?
MIKE [as KOL]
Hey, man. I'm catching strays over here.
[Rik chuckles]
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
No, not you, Kol! You're not a little bitch! I'm just saying Urd's a bitch for taking it out on Kol, cause look at him! I mean, he did punch you in the face, that's kinda fair. But... This was just completely unnecessary and I think –
MIKE [as KOL]
(Sighs) Yitri...
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Yeah?
ROVER [as URD]
Was it?
MIKE [as KOL]
Yitri.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Yes?
MIKE [as KOL]
Enough. Please.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Okay, yeah, okay, okay. I-I'm getting the hint that I'm going a little too far. But, yeah. You know what? That's it. That's all I'm gonna say.
ROVER
Aleks?
ZOE
Aleks is looking at the scene and he's... he's just confused, right? He's like, "What even is going on?" He looks around the party, looks at Kol,
ZOE [as ALEKS]
Do I need to heal you again?
MIKE [as KOL]
No. No, I'm fine.
MIKE
As Kol takes one of his healing potions out of his bag.
ZOE [as ALEKS]
Right. Of course.
ZOE
And then he looks at the rest, he looks down at Urd.
ZOE [as ALEKS]
What the fuck happened?
ROVER
By the way, Mike, if you wanna roll Healing, feel free to.
MIKE
I shall.
ROVER
Okay.
ZOE
I can also heal you! You don't have to waste your Greater Healing Potion, I have all my spell slots.
MIKE
No, it's okay. Kol's looking at you and is clearly... Clearly, you know, this is like... This is a test. He's like, "Ugh!" You know, "Last time you complained about using all of your spell slots. So this time he's like, "No! It's okay! I'm gonna do this my way, so you don't have to waste your spell slots. It's fine! I'm fine!" Is kind of the energy that he's giving to the situation.
ROVER
Mmhmm.
RIK
Zoe, while you're asking things of Urd, Pierre's gonna gently get him up to face you.
ZOE
I mean, I'm asking all of you, but yes.
RIK
Oh.
ZOE
I mean, Urd can answer as well. I don't care. I just wanna know what's going on.
ROVER [as URD]
Y'all are fucking easy.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
What'd you just say?
ROVER [as URD]
All of you are fucking easy.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
(Laughs) Look who's on the fucking floor. I just tripped you. And you got on the fucking floor. And you think we're fucking easy? (Laughs)
ZOE [as ALEKS]
Yitri.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
(Laughs) Huh?
ZOE [as ALEKS]
Can genuinely someone just let me know why this happened?
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Okay, so basically... I mean, I was shopping, doing my own thing, and then I look over and I see this guy just manhandling Pierre. Like, holding him by the shirt and is about to beat him up and threatening the guy for no reason. Cause, I mean honestly, I feel like Pierre's pretty pacifist. Which, (stumbles) good thing. But yeah, then I just come out and then he's getting all up in our faces and stuff. And then Kol swoops down and gives him a one-two. And then... Yeah.
ZOE [as ALEKS]
Right.
ALYSSA
And she also does mime a one-two. She punches the air.
ROVER
Mmhmm.
ZOE
Aleks looks to Urd.
ZOE [as ALEKS]
And why were you up in their faces? Still didn't got a reason, but maybe you could help me there?
ROVER [as URD]
Cause I think you guys need to fix something. Don't you?
ZOE [as ALEKS]
And what is it that we need to fix?
ROVER [as URD]
Making sure that we don't get fucking outlawed. And you guys are easy enough to, you know, distract.
ZOE [as ALEKS]
You think we have a say in that?
[Alyssa laughs]
ROVER [as URD]
Oh. Oh, you do.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
No, we don't. We don't have a say in anything.
ROVER [as URD]
Not anymore.
ZOE [as ALEKS]
We got formed yesterday.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Yeah.
MIKE [as KOL]
Hang on.
ZOE [as ALEKS]
Why would they listen to us?
MIKE [as KOL]
Hang on.
ROVER [as URD]
The meeting is right now.
MIKE [as KOL]
Oh god.
ROVER
Miguel, by the way, taps you on the shoulder and is like,
ROVER [as MIGUEL]
Would it be a funny coincidence if I told you that I knew him?
ZOE [as ALEKS]
Yeah, no. Very, very funny.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Wait, y-you... you're the... Okay, wait. Shit.
ALYSSA
She's like, trying to figure out what to say. She's like,
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
This is a friend of yours?
ZOE [as ALEKS]
Gods, I hope not.
ROVER [as MIGUEL]
Oh, fuck no.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Okay, nevermind. I'm not gonna apologize. I'm not gonna apologize, then.
ROVER [as MIGUEL]
He annoys me all the time, as well. But he's a… He's a friend of, uh... Well, he's not a friend of the Bounty Hunters. He's friends with a lot of the Bounty Hunters, but he goes to this bar often.
ROVER
Why am I talking like this? This is not Miguel's voice. What the fuck happened? This is Urd.
[Laughter]
ALYSSA
Wrong words! Wrong words!
ZOE
He got possessed.
ROVER [as MIGUEL]
He's... There's a bar in the Wanted Dead. He goes there often when he's not on duty.
ROVER
And he glares at Urd.
ROVER [as MIGUEL]
Yeah, no, he, uhm... He's a Bounty Hunter. Probably annoyed at the same reasons that everyone else is in that group.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Well, yeah, but he doesn't need to take it out on Pierre.
RIK [as PIERRE]
Exactly.
RIK
And he gives a little pissy look at him.
MIKE [as KOL]
The thing is... This, uhm... Yurd, was your name?
ROVER [as URD]
(Angrily) Urd!
MIKE [as KOL]
Oh, whatever. This guy is just a pawn. He doesn't mean anything. Listen, we've got a mission. If this guy wants to get in our way, then fine. But, he's right. He's a distraction. Aren't you, Yurd?
ROVER [as URD]
I am indeed a distraction.
MIKE [as KOL]
Right, so, let's leave him here. We got stuff to do. Come on.
ROVER
Miguel will grab him, is like,
ROVER [as MIGUEL]
I'll, uhm... I'll bring him back to where he belongs.
MIKE [as KOL]
Thank you, Miguel.
ROVER [as MIGUEL]
You guys go ahead.
ROVER
And he, with ease, picks up Urd, puts him over his shoulder and whispers something in Elvish and it's, I think only... Who can speak Elvish? I think only Aleks, right?
ALYSSA
I think only Aleks.
ROVER
Alright. You can hear, “If you don't stay in your fucking place, I'll kill you myself” And he walks off with Urd back to Waterloo Station. To the Wanted Dead.
ZOE
What about Urd's weapon?
ROVER
Urd's weapon's still there.
ALYSSA
(Laughing) Do I take–? No, she has her own.
ROVER
Two Greataxes!
RIK
(Snickers) That would be so petty, though.
[Mike laughs]
ZOE
Should we sell Urd's Greataxe?
[Rik wheezes]
ALYSSA
Can we sell Urd's Greataxe?
ROVER
Yeah, you can.
ALYSSA
(Claps) Let's fucking go! Okay. No, actually Yitri's gonna look at the ground and see that the axe is still there and is like,
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
What do you guys wanna do about that?
ALYSSA
And she kicks it a little bit.
ZOE [as ALEKS]
We... We could sell it. We are surrounded by shops, after all.
RIK [as PIERRE]
We could turn it in.
MIKE [as KOL]
Yeah. In fact, there's a weapon shop right over there.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
People probably already saw us beat this guy up, and without the context they're gonna think we kinda just beat the shit out of this guy and then sold his weapon and, you know... We have to worry about press now, which is something I didn't realize.
MIKE [as KOL]
Yitri.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Yeah?
ROVER
Above table, by the way, this is 50 gold. Which means you can also trade it for another healing potion.
[Mike gasps and chuckles]
ZOE
Yeah. You know, for Kol.
MIKE
Aye!
ALYSSA
Yes! That's a good idea, yeah!
ZOE
He still needs another one.
ALYSSA
I'm for it, but Yitri's gonna try to kind of remember that we're the good guys here! But I think we should sell it.
MIKE
I was gonna say, Kol turns to Yitri after she says... What did you say? "We need to worry about press," right?
ZOE
Yeah.
ALYSSA
Yeah.
ROVER
Yeah.
MIKE
Kol turns to Yitri, now feeling a little bit more chipper now that his wounds are healed, and is like,
MIKE [as KOL]
Yitri. One of these days you're gonna learn that sometimes you shouldn't do things just because other people think that you're bad.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Eh, good point.
MIKE
And then walks off towards the weapon shop. Assuming everyone will follow.
ZOE
Yeah, we'll follow.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Is anyone gonna pick it up?
ALYSSA
I feel like... In my head I'm imagining everyone will walk away with it and... Walk away, not with the weapon, like, no one's picking it up. And she's, (struggles) And she’s picking it up.
[Laughter]
ROVER
Quickly above table; do you wanna... Do you just wanna sell it for another healing potion?
MIKE
You guys down? What do you want?
ZOE
No, Zoe would sell it for another healing potion so Kol has one again.
MIKE
Yeah, if you guys are down. I'm happy with that.
ZOE
Yeah.
ROVER
Cool.
MIKE
Obviously. I get another healing potion.
ROVER
So minus one Greataxe, add one healing potion to your inventory, Mike.
MIKE
Is it just a regular healing potion?
ROVER
It would just be a regular healing potion, yes.
MIKE
Okay, alright. Okay. And we continue... Well, we continue on towards the.. the palace, right? That's where we said we were going?
ALYSSA
Yeah.
MIKE
So that we could go and rest.
ROVER
Yeah.
MIKE
It's been a long day.
ROVER
Mmhmm.
ZOE
Yeah.
MIKE
So, I think we head off that way to… to try and find some place to lie our heads down for the evening.
ROVER
You guys walk to Darlington Palace. And as you guys get near, you can see that more and more people are gathering once again at the gates. Press is also already there and they are immediately... The moment they spot you guys, they are immediately trying to take photographs of you.
[Sounds of cameras flashing]
People are gonna be in your face talking about the attack on Manchester University.
RIK
Do we see this group, like... We see this from a distance already forming, right?
ROVER
You can see this already forming, and the moment the press sees you guys, they are at you. They spot you and they run up to you and they're starting to ask questions.
ALYSSA
Oh shit.
RIK [as PIERRE]
Guys, remember; no comments.
ALYSSA
(Laughing) We don't have media training!
[Mike laughs]
MIKE [as KOL]
What's "media training"?
ROVER
Give me a Perception check, Kol.
MIKE
(Gasps) D'you know what? For you, Ro – because you asked me a.k.a told me, because you're my boss – I'll do it.
[Chuckles]
ROVER
Ah, that's lovely. I'm... I'm glad you agree with that.
[Laughter]
MIKE
I do. I do wholeheartedly agree.
ROVER
That'd be lovely.
MIKE
No... (Laughs)
ROVER
Uh oh...
MIKE
I rolled... I rolled a dirty 25.
ZOE
Damn!
RIK
Damn, son! What the fuck!
MKE
We haven't hit a Crit yet! (Laughs)
ROVER
Okay. So, in the crowd of people – as you guys are fully crowded with everyone around you –
[Eerie electronic music starts playing again as the sounds of cameras and outdoor ambience stop]
– you can spot the same shadowy figure with their hood all over them in the crowd. And they are looking specifically at you. And the moment you spot them, they, once again, do a tilt of the head and a motion of the hand to see if you would follow them. This would mean you would have to stealth out of the crowd away from your party.
MIKE
Yeah, I think Kol... kind of lets himself slide to the back of the party. And with a sort of,
MIKE [as KOL]
Oh, fuck.
MIKE
He's gonna slink out stage-right and follow.
ROVER
Okay. Give me a Stealth check. Cause he knows what this means.
MIKE
Ro, of all the times.. We've been friends for a long time, right? Of all the times that you'd give me a gimme, see now... Now would be amazing, because I rolled a 9. (Laughs)
ROVER
I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm not gonna touch that dice. That dice is cursed. This one, though...
MIKE
Okay...
ROVER
The shadowy one.
[Ominous dice thunks]
Right. I need everyone to deafen. Except for Mike. So, as the crowd starts gathering amongst you guys and you walk towards the back. People are already... Even if you're trying to stealth away, they are trying to stop you. The press is in front of you the entire time.
MIKE
Okay.
ROVER
And… suddenly the world around you turns into full shadow.
[Music gets even more eerie with low thumps]
The crowd stops moving. The people in front of you stop moving. Your party stops moving. And you can see this shadowy figure – the only person that is moving in the entire world, currently, except for you – stand further at the back of the crowd. And you would now be able to freely walk among the crowd.
MIKE
Kol is used to this. And he walks slowly but measuredly towards this individual until he's within casual speaking distance. Not too far away with them. He's not walking threateningly, he's just walking up to them like someone would approach a friend. And looks at them in their hood and says,
MIKE [as KOL]
(Sighs deeply) It's been a long time.
ROVER
There is no response. And the crowd disappears. The buildings disappear. Until you are only in a space of just pure void. And... the person starts, kind of, walking in a very slow circle around you. And they talk… It's similar to how Kol's own voice would be.
MIKE [as SHADOWY FIGURE]
(Echoing) You seem to be having trouble.
MIKE [as KOL]
No. (Sighs) No trouble. I'm... completing the mission as we discussed.
MIKE [as SHADOWY FIGURE]
(Echoing) Then why are you not hitting things?
MIKE [as KOL]
Hmm. You saw that, then?
MIKE [as SHADOWY FIGURE]
(Echoing) I see everything. Shadows follow everything. Even you.
MIKE [as KOL]
Of course you did. I'm not at my 'A' game. I just need more time.
MIKE [as SHADOWY FIGURE]
(Echoing) Do you want to be back at your 'A' game?
MIKE [as KOL]
(Sighs) Are we really going to do this again?
MIKE [as SHADOWY FIGURE]
(Echoing) Let me make you a deal, my dear friend. You have been helpful for me so, so many times. And I stalk and I wonder. You being involved in a group of people I... am somehow unable to infiltrate, is something useful to me. Now. I need one thing. And that is for the Wanted Dead to not be... For the Wanted Dead to not exist anymore. That way our team can freely go about the space and do our jobs. And I mean, I feel like you would also like to still be employed. You don't want to be unemployed, do you, Eric?
MIKE [as KOL]
I'm at your behest. As always. But this is a huge undertaking. This isn't going to be easy. And they will be suspicious.
MIKE [as SHADOWY FIGURE]
(Echoing) I'll make it easy. Do you want a life to live, Eric? A life to enjoy what life is supposed to be about. A life partially in shadow, but not covered by the veil.
MIKE [as KOL]
What do you mean?
MIKE [as SHADOWY FIGURE]
(Echoing) Extra couple years. Extra hundred years. An extra life. You, my friend, would be so useful past your thirty years. Maybe we can reach forty. Fifty, even. Let you live a century. If only you fix this one little bit for me. You would do this for me, right, Eric?
MIKE
Kol is like... He's trying to play it cool. But his breath is starting to get shaky.
ROVER
Mmhmm.
MIKE
And he's starting to sort of stumble over his words a little bit. And he looks at... No. He doesn't look directly at them when they're making these offers.
ROVER
Mmhmm.
MIKE
He's looking at the floor and he says,
MIKE [as KOL]
(Shakily) Y-yes. I... I would.
MIKE [as SHADOWY FIGURE]
(Echoing) Then you make sure it happens. I want them out of the way and I want the veil to be with the government. Without them knowing, of course. That way, your colleagues of the Order can infiltrate easily. Now, you will officially be a part of the Order. I think that would fit you. And I will help you out. I promise I will.
MIKE [as KOL]
Yes, ma’am. Right away.
MIKE [as SHADOWY FIGURE]
(Echoing) Good. See ya next time.
ROVER
And the shadow vanished…
[Eerie music stops and the outdoors ambience and crowd noises come back]
… and you are back in the crowd together with your party members. It's like not even a second continued. You can now, twice a long rest cast Disguise Self on yourself.
[Cameras start flashing again]
MIKE
No, that's so dope!
ROVER
And the smoke that will rise from your guns will now also have black shadows in them.
MIKE
Oh, wow!
ROVER
I’m, in the meantime, gonna get the others back. So, you guys are in the crowd, you are pushing through the press towards the gates of the palace.
MIKE
Kol is dropping back and is actually standing still. Staring at the floor. Breathing heavily.
ALYSSA
Do we notice this?
ZOE
Yeah, I was about to say.
ROVER
Give me a Perception check, everyone.
[Dice ASMR]
ALYSSA
I got a 14.
ROVER
14?
RIK
14, too! Aye!
ZOE
1.
ALYSSA
Aye!
RIK
Ah, unfortunate.
MIKE
(Laughing) Wha–? 1?
ROVER
1, okay.
[Laughter]
ZOE
You're not Miguel! I won't notice that!
[Mike laughs]
ROVER
So, Aleks is at the front of the group trying to push through the crowd. And Pierre and Yitri, as you guys are pushing through, you notice that the press isn't fully focusing on you guys anymore, but it's focusing towards the back as the press starts crowding around Kol, who's now standing still, looking to the floor.
RIK [as PIERRE]
Uh, we should head to Kol. Yes.
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Y-yeah.
ALYSSA
And she's gonna raise her voice and be like,
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Hey, everyone! Move out of the... Move out of the way! Hey! 'Scuse me! Pardon me! 'Scuse me! 'Scuse me!
ALYSSA
And, like, push through.
ROVER
Mmhmm.
ALYSSA
And get Kol and quieter... And, actually, she's gonna go to Pierre, is like,
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
You talk to him, I'll distract everyone, okay?
RIK [as PIERRE]
Alright, alright. Kol. Kol, hey.
ALYSSA
And then she goes towards the press, like,
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Hey! What questions do you guys have for me? (Chuckles) And she does a little smile.
MIKE
(Laughs) The ultimate distraction: answers! (Laughs)
ALYSSA
"Me!"
ZOE
(Laughing) Am I just... Am I just…
ROVER
You’re going!
ZOE
… walking still?
ROVER
You're like, "Fuck this!"
ZOE
I'm just like, "Fuck that!" I'm like, "Nyoom!"
[Laughter]
ALYSSA
"Nyoom!"
ROVER
If there's anything you guys still wanna say, do it now. Otherwise, I will round out the episode.
RIK
Okay, okay.
RIK [as PIERRE]
Kol.
RIK
And Pierre grabs Kol by the arm or feathers or wing, I guess. (Laughs)
[Laughter]
MIKE
Oh, the choice is yours! Spin the wheel, man. Spin the wheel!
RIK
Uh, how about we go with wing? I grab you by the wing.
MIKE
Okay.
RIK [as PIERRE]
Hey, hey. What's up, buddy? Come on. We need to go.
MIKE [as KOL]
(Sighs) Pierre, uhm... I... I need to go.
RIK [as PIERRE]
Yes.
MIKE [as KOL]
Right now. We need to go.
RIK [as PIERRE]
Together, right? To the palace.
MIKE [as KOL]
Yes. Yeah, that's right. The, uhm, palace. Yeah. Take me there. Please.
RIK [as PIERRE]
Come. Come on.
RIK
And he kinda ushers Kol to come with him. Thankfully, we have a little shield here called Yitri. (Chuckles)
ALYSSA
And she's like,
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Well, so you see, here's the fun thing. Uhm, so I like naming things, right? So this big guy here, this is Bonnie, my Greataxe, you know. I don't know where the name actually came from, but, like...
ALYSSA
She's just going on a whole rampage. Just listing off her named items on her person.
ROVER
Yeah.
ALYSSA
While that whole serious action –
ALYSSA [as YITRI]
Well, you see, also, this is Snuggles, he's a Fey-bubu, yeah.
ALYSSA
(Laughing) She's just going off.
MIKE
Between all of this...
ROVER
Yeah?
MIKE
Yeah, while Yitri is yammering on, Kol is still staring at the floor being guided by Pierre. And he just murmurs to himself,
MIKE [as KOL]
(Sighing) They're always watching.
ROVER
And with that, while everyone walks towards the palace and Yitri protects them from the press, that is where we are rounding out the episode. This episode of Remains To Be Seen.
[Background noises stop]
RIK
Oh my god! (Laughs)
ALYSSA
I... I don't know what happened.
ROVER
(Giggles) Thank you all so much for listening.
ZOE
Help!
ROVER
The Protectors will see you guys next week. With the Bounty Hunters, we'll see you on Sunday. And whatever happens, remains to be seen, you know? Bye bye, everyone!
ALYSSA
Bye bye!
ZOE
Bye bye!
MIKE
Bye!
RIK
Bye bye! See ya next week!
[Show outro plays]
Remains To Be Seen is an original podcast created by Dyaflame Studios and licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial Share-alike 4.0 International License.
Today’s episode was produced by Jo Mendacium and edited by Mees Verkade and Jo Mendacium. It starred:
Rik den Breejen as Pierre Ardoise
Mike LeBeau as Koltrast
Alyssa Roldan as Yitri Meadowtwirls
Zoe Emily as Aleksander Aintsworth
And Rover Elliott as the Dungeon Master
The intro and outro were composed by We Talk of Dreams, and the transcript was written by Kim van Teeffelen.
To get in touch with us and keep up to date with our antics, follow us on Instagram, BlueSky and TikTok @ DyaflameStudios or view our website at www.dyaflame.com
Check our show notes for additional credits, links and transcripts.