012 - Bounty Hunters - Pi(e) Day

Content Warnings
- Missing people/disappearances
- Hallucinations

[Show intro plays]

ROVER

Hello everyone, and welcome back to Remains To Be Seen, the DnD show where one group's past could determine the other group's future. I am your host and DM, Rover Elliott, he/they pronouns. And today, I am here with...

ANNIE

Annie Ruby, she/her.

ELIZABETH

Elizabeth Simpson, she/her.

Jo Mendacium, all the pronouns.

MIRA

And Mira G, she/her.

ROVER

And who are you guys playing?

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Josie, who definitely did not just walk in a circle for half an hour.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Corwin, who probably would have kept walking.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Viktor Valthayne, there's nothing more to say.

MIRA [as UNA]

And Una, who I guess is trying to enjoy the sights?

[Laughter]

ELIZABETH

I love you, Una.

ROVER

Jo—Una, Una seeing the sights, what is that all about?

The sights were emotional damage last episode. So, we didn't move much. It wasn't even a 5-foot episode. It was just us in a house. We called Brian to get...the bodies dealt with, and Merrick. We also decided that we are not going to London, despite Brian and Safra wanting us there, because we learned that there is a high chance that the bounty hunting business is becoming illegal again. And Viktor and Josie do not want to be in the lion's den.

And then (laughs)...I'm sorry, I'm laughing, but Ro did the very horrible thing in handing Viktor a newspaper article about the Protectors, which means he now knows that someone he has been searching for, or missing, at least, for a long time is now with the Protectors. And I think we're all doing fine. Because as we left, we needed half an hour to run in a circle, and now are on our way to Krillis to interview him, I feel like.

ROVER

I love that this recap became not Jo recapping, Viktor recapping. Which is really fun. You slipped into the Viktor voice somewhere halfway.

Oh!

ROVER

And I was like, okay, welcome back Viktor.

[Laughter]

Hi, this is me, Viktor, I'm fine. I'm so fine. I actually am very pretty, so!

[Laughter]

ROVER

So, last thing that happened was Una rolling a natural 20 on her History check.

MIRA

Can I remember something now please, sir? Thank you.

ROVER

You can remember something now. Yes, yes you can.

[Soft birdsong and outdoor ambience begins]

You are looking around, and for a second, you feel and you see that there is this kind of blue, faint, slightly magical line follows your vision into a side street.

[Resonant, enchanting music begins]

This is, by the way, only for Una. And from that blue, faint glow, appears a sort of spectral vision of a crowd in that street. Who seem to be celebrating something, and looking at something or someone at the very front of it.

[Bells, faint crowd noises]

And behind that crowd, two more spectral visions appear. And there is what you recognize as you in this kind of simple red-ish, silk visiting dress, almost like a ballgown-y, kind of, very 1800s. And the person next to you seems to be in a more greenish-colored, similar dress, what looks to be kind of like a tighter corset. They seem to be having short hair. You can't tell that much. And you both are looking towards the crowd.

And the person that is standing next to you puts something in your hand, and then points towards the crowd, and you can just hear the faint voice of,

(Echoing) "Do not look at people. Watch them."

And then she points a little bit more towards the left, and says,

(Echoing) "Over there. You know where the mark is. Go for it."

And then the vision slowly disperses down to the ground, until there is the faint glow of that light following back towards your feet, and then it's gone.

MIRA

Oooookay.

(Splutters) Damn.

ELIZABETH

(Noise of shock)

[Ringing music and crowd noises fade. Birdsong and outdoor city ambience returns]

MIRA

Ah. I think...I think that would definitely warrant for Una to stop and observe that area for, I don't know how, your decision—if it was the duration of the memory was the duration that Una would be standing there, or if it's kind of like snap-in, snap-out situation, I would just treat it as such.

ROVER

It is definitely quicker than I explained it.

MIRA

Yeah.

ROVER

I don't think it's a snap, snap kind of situation. It is definitely a memory coming up that gets you to stop and watch this for a moment, but it takes no longer than five seconds, I think. The line is very quick, the memory itself a bit slower, and then the line disperses very quickly again.

MIRA

And there was no other sounds heard in the memory, just that voice?

ROVER

No, nothing.

MIRA

So I'm guessing Una would feel like she recognized that voice, but doesn't—

ROVER

Yeah, absolutely.

MIRA

—can't put anything else on it. Ahhh. Okay. Then yeah, she would definitely take a little bit of the moment focusing on what's going on, taking a moment to observe the street, if she can do so safely. I don't want her to be just standing in the middle of the road.

ROVER

Mmhmm.

MIRA

And kind of snaps out of it, and then follow back in the footsteps of everyone, cause I'm presuming whoever…Josie was leading, and then Corwin and Vik, and then Una was like—

Yes.

MIRA

—she normally puts herself at the back of the queue anyways, so I'm guessing that would have been the layout, and then…

I don't think we have noticed, no.

MIRA

Then she would have just been catching up with everyone, definitely mind racing (laughs). Definitely mind racing. Does she hear anything in her head right now? Any voices, anything like that?

ROVER

It is like the voice ended with a slight echo.

MIRA

Okay.

ROVER

And then, you can feel where those whispers started back in the train. You can feel that kind of, like a pressure starting, and then it's very quickly doused again.

[Faint dog barking]

MIRA

Right.

ROVER

It is as if something is stopping it from kind of breaking through in a way.

MIRA

Right. So she is basically going to have a very annoying, niggling feeling in the back of her mind right now, for the rest of the day.

ROVER

Mmhmm.

MIRA

Got it. (Laughs) Right. Yep, she would just follow through everyone, after everyone, just keep on keeping an eye out on everything, trying to basically replay that memory in her mind a few times? If she is able to, replay that. But kind of just, yeah, follow everyone, not say necessarily anything.

[Children laughing distantly, crowd ambience]

ROVER

The more you try to replay that memory, the vaguer and vaguer it becomes—

Ah! Horrible.

ELIZABETH

Oh!

ROVER

—until all the faces seem to just be vagueness. And even your, even your vision of yourself, it's just becoming less and less. And it ends up in just what looks to be almost blue flames, because it's just nothing.

MIRA

Right. Would it be fair to say that she figures out that it's a fleeting thing, and she would have a chance to just desperately write down maybe two or three words, as bullet points for herself? On the newspaper.

ROVER

For this, for this give me a Sleight of Hand.

ANNIE

Ooh.

ROVER

To kind of see how quickly you can write all of this down.

MIRA

Oh, god. Oh god.

[Heavy dice thunk]

Oh, it's like dream diaries.

ROVER

Very important slight of hand.

Yeah, no, it is.

MIRA

(Claps)

ROVER

It's another natural 20?

MIRA

It's a nat 1!

[Laughter]

ROVER

Oh!

Oooh.

ELIZABETH

Oh no!

Oh, baby girl.

ELIZABETH

Wait, that's so appropriate for your first vision, though.

ANNIE

Ahh.

MIRA

(Quietly) A nat 1.

ROVER

So it’s, you grab the newspaper, you try your best to find any kind of pencil that you have on you, and as you start wanting to write it, you're thinking, "Okay, what do I...what do I know? What do I..."

MIRA

"What do I know" to "what was I doing".

ROVER

Yeah, to literally being like, "mmm there wasn't, we were...late? Lost? 30 minutes-ish?" That's it. It's gone.

MIRA

Okay.

Oooh, my god.

MIRA

Right. Mmm. Thank you, thank you, thank you DM. I appreciate you, so much.

[Anguished laughter]

ROVER

Yeah, once you guys continue walking, you get to this apartment complex, and you know that in that apartment complex is the address that was on the paper, where Krillis lived. He lives on the third floor of that apartment complex.

And it is just this large building, let's say about seven or eight floors up.

Viktor is becoming a Tiefling, because he doesn't want to be himself right now. He's going to be...I don't know feet, so it's like 180 centimeters tall, pink skin, slicked back hair still the gray color. His eye color never changes. The slitted pupils do not change. Now proper Tiefling horns that go slightly to the back. They're rather straight, but curved to the back of his head. And I feel like he's doing the neck crack, kind of I'm-getting-ready thing.

ROVER

Mmhmm.

He's not been saying much.

ANNIE

Josie's gonna look over after the transformation and go,

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Always been glad I wasn't pink.

[Laughter]

Isn't, isn't Nyx pink?

ROVER

No, Teresa's pink. Nyx is red.

ANNIE

Oh, Teresa's pink. Yeah yeah yeah.

Teresa's pink, yeah!

ROVER

Yeah.

ANNIE

Yeah.

Right. God.

[Laughter]

ROVER

So yeah, you guys are standing outside, yeah.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

I don't know. I stand out enough as it is. You're like a beacon.

(Laughs) I feel like it's actually unusual that Viktor does not respond to the snide remarks, but—

ANNIE

Yeah.

He's not even smiling. He's just, blank face, staring ahead at the task, focused.

ANNIE

Yeah, Josie's gonna, like, have that sort of mask of ribbing somebody, kind of laughing on there, and seeing no reaction immediately falls back into the—

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Arghhh. Yeah, no you're right.

[Laughter]

ANNIE

Just immediately go back to her own slack face, like,

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Yeah no, you're right.

ROVER

Okay.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

For what it's worth, I like pink.

ELIZABETH

Points to her hair.

Okay, fuck, because it got me, I think that kind of gets Vik.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

(Sighs)

And like, just the corner of his mouth is twitching. But he's not saying anything.

ELIZABETH

Tag team encouragement!

[Birdsong continues]

ROVER

Yeah, do you guys find a way into the apartment complex?

Yeah.

ELIZABETH

Yeah, do we just follow someone in, maybe?

ROVER

Yeah, I'd say someone walks out, and you can catch the door before...

Yeah, it is called tailgating, by the way.

ANNIE

Yeah.

It's an actual technique.

[Laughter]

ANNIE

Yep.

ELIZABETH

I did not know that.

[Birdsong and outdoor ambience fades away]

ROVER

Yeah, you guys follow someone in. You walk up to, to his apartment. And yeah, the door's closed. Do you guys wanna knock? Just barge in? Do you, what do you guys want to do?

(Laughs) That would be insane. No, we're knocking.

ELIZABETH

Yeah, I would say Corwin knocks. She would probably kind of like, look at Josie, look at Vik, look at Una, and then just kind of shrug and then just, knock knock knock.

[Knock knock knock]

ROVER

Give me a Perception check everyone, yeah.

Oh, Perception!

MIRA

Ooooh, Perception!

[Dice clacks and clunks and clattering]

I'm so good at Perception.

ELIZABETH

We're so good at this.

[More dice thunks, thwacks, and thonks]

Oh-ho-ho that's a 5.

MIRA

Oh! That is a dirty 20.

ELIZABETH

Let's go.

ROVER

That's a 20. 5.

ELIZABETH

That's a 2 from Corwin.

MIRA

2! (Laughs)

ROVER

And Josie?

ANNIE

Ah, it's a 7 from Josie.

ELIZABETH

(Laughing) The only one who sees anything is Una at the back.

ROVER

Una doesn't see anything. Una hears something.

MIRA

Oh, god.

ANNIE

Ooh?

ROVER

And you can hear this kind of voice coming from in the apartment, saying,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

(Distantly) I told you, I'm not turning the fucking oven off!

[Footsteps]

[Handle turning and door creaking]

ROVER

And then the door opens, and for everyone, this wave of apple pie starts to flow into the hallway. And you see this Dwarf standing there, three thick braids in his beard. Brown hair slicked back. And he has this kind of…yeah he has an apron on, which—

Does it say Kiss the Cook?

[Laughter]

MIRA

Canonically.

ROVER

It does say Kiss the Cook.

Amazing! Amazing.

ROVER

It looks like he has the apron on while he is shirtless—

Oh my god!

ELIZABETH

Incredible.

ROVER

And his pants are genuinely just more cargo-like.

ANNIE

The greatest look in the world.

Okay!

ROVER

He has a cloth over his shoulder, and he's just like,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

I—oh! Hello! What, ah—

Ah, I, I think Viktor is trying not to get thirst-trapped by this man.

[Laughter]

MIRA

Why he kind of...?

Why he kind of...? You know?

[Laughter]

MIRA

(Laughing) Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

ANNIE

Oh my god.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Can I...ah, can I, can I help?

JO [as VIKTOR]

Yes, in fact, you can. Krillis, I assume?

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Yes. It's on, you know, the name that they have at the apartment doorbell—okay?

JO [as VIKTOR]

Right...we have some questions about Jonny.

ANNIE

Would any of us have met Krillis before this?

ROVER

I don't think so, no.

ANNIE

Okay.

ROVER

Krillis does not interact with people from the Wanted Dead.

ANNIE

Not any of us directly.

ROVER

Yeah, no.

ANNIE

Yeah, okay.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Jonny?

JO [as VIKTOR]

Yes.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Ooookay.

ROVER

And he takes a step to the side to let you guys in, if you want.

Oh yeah, definitely.

ELIZABETH

Yeah, Corwin goes in.

ANNIE

Yeah, going in.

MIRA

Slowly.

[Laughter]

ROVER

Think of this very white and green, kind of like a very much cottagecore vibe in this quite small apartment.

Can we live with him?

[Laughter]

ANNIE

Yeah, we'll just hole up here for a while!

ROVER

For his short stature, he has a large couch that takes up, like, half of it. And he seems to, like, there is a lot of plates on the table that he probably should have put somewhere.

[Light, acoustic music begins]

ANNIE

Bachelor pad shit.

ROVER

Yeah, he...it's like he was not expecting any visitors. And, yeah you can smell from a sort of oven, I'm just going to decide that that's there, in the corner, and yeah you can still smell that thick wave of apple pie coming through. And he kind of puts his hands on his hips, and is like,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Okay. Um, what, what do you—drink? Drink? Food? I have apple pie in like 10 minutes.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

It, it smells incredible, but I think we just wanted to get some questions answered, right guys?

JO [as VIKTOR]

Yes.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

I mean, you can't ask questions without some food, am I right?

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

(Laughs)

I love this man so fucking much. I wish Viktor would have been in a different state.

[Laughter]

I think he's going to lean on something, like the kitchen counter, very nonchalantly. And go like,

JO [as VIKTOR]

Questions first, food later, if you will.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

I don't—I actually won't.

ROVER

And he walks to the kitchen, and he's checking his timer, like

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

(Under his breath) Oh, for fuck's sake. I— (Normally) Also, man, I'm kind of hungry.

At the same time, Viktor under his breath,

JO [as VIKTOR]

(Under his breath) Oh for fuck's sake.

[Laughter]

ELIZABETH

Corwin's gonna follow him to the kitchen and just kind of make herself useful? Like, she's—

Oh my god.

MIRA

Oh!

ROVER

You're gonna start, like, cleaning the dishes that he hasn't cleaned yet?

ELIZABETH

Yeah, like—

Prestidigitation!

ANNIE

Yeah.

ELIZABETH

Your standard middle child. She's like, well okay, if we're having to do food, I might as well make myself useful. So she's gonna follow and just kind of quietly start doing dishes.

[Dishes clattering softly, water splashing]

ROVER

He looks at you, and he's like,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

I really like your hair, by the way. Oh wow.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Thank you so much! Thank you.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Interesting, that's a good color!

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

I, it's my favorite color. I could do yours if you wanted? I love the braids.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Oooh! Now that is a good idea. My name's Krillis, by the way!

ROVER

And he extends his hand.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Corwin. Lovely to meet you.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Lovely to meet you!

ROVER

And he grabs your hand in two hands, shaking it. Very, very strongly. Like,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

This is, this is fantastic. Oooh, yeah if you can do my hair at some point, that would be—you are getting the biggest piece of apple pie out of everyone here.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Yeah, of course! Um—

ANNIE

At some point in this, while they're prattling about hair, Josie is going to be in the doorway, and is going to cast Thaumaturgy and pull the oven door open.

ELIZABETH

Ooh, interesting.

ROVER

Ooh, okay!

ANNIE

One of the things I can do with Thaumaturgy is a thing called Invisible Hand, which is, I can instantaneously cause any unlocked door or window to fly open or slam shut.

MIRA

Oven door counts, I think, yeah!

ANNIE

It's an oven door! So the oven door is just gonna go, wham!

[Heavy crash]

Open.

ROVER

Okay.

ANNIE

Just to spook them into moving.

ROVER

He kind of jumps at it, and he looks back, sees you, and is like,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

I wasn't, it wasn't done yet. Ooh. Oh man, there goes my apple pie.

ROVER

And then he starts slowly getting all the plates, then takes the pie out, cutting it.

[Dishes clattering lightly]

MIRA

Can I just do a scan of the—

ROVER

Absolutely.

MIRA

It's going to sound very silly. A scan of the perimeter?

ANNIE

Scan the perimeter!

MIRA

Scan the perimeter! Sir yes sir!

[Laughter]

Agent Una over here.

MIRA

Snake! Wiiing!

[Laughter]

I just would like to, I just would like Una to have a brief look around, just be like, is he definitely alone? Are there any pets? We're on the third floor, what are the window situations like? You know, are there any signs of pictures of Jonny? Cause you know, Una now understands pictures as a thing exists nowadays, so she's very much like—

[Laughter]

ELIZABETH

Knowledge!

MIRA

Knowledge! So she would be looking at those little things, I guess, and the safety of our group.

ROVER

Do you want to look through only the living room? Because there's another door that leads to his bedroom area.

MIRA

I would leave everyone in the kitchen with him. She would not be necessarily walking into the rooms, but whatever corridor we walked through, and then the one, the open, the first open room area, she would look around there. And then take a note of where the other doors are for other rooms. That's it, really.

ROVER

He seems to be alone. There is one door to the side of the, the doors to get out. And then there's another door in the far, kind of, right, at the corner, that is slightly ajar. I like doors that are slightly ajar apparently, but sure.

MIRA

I, I don't. They give me heebie jeebies. So I'm just gonna come up to that door (laughs), if that's okay, and have a look.

ROVER

You can see, if you look through it, there is this smaller not-made bed. And next to that is a small cage. And you can see this kind of faint red and orange parrot going,

[Parrot screech]

ROVER [as PARROT]

Rraa! Intruder!

[We all lose it, for good reason!]

Yes!

ROVER

And you can hear at some point when you're looking through it, Krillis is like,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

(Spluttering) Oh my god, what is—aarghhh.

ROVER

And he puts the pie down, and he walks past you, not even caring that you've been looking into his room. He walks past you, walks to the cage, and he starts very slowly poking his finger through the…

MIRA

The bars?

ROVER

Yeah, through the bars, rubbing the little head of the bird, and being like,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Oh no, it's okay. It's okay. These are probably friends. There's one cool person with pink hair. You'll like them too. You'll like them too.

ROVER

You have met the silliest man in this world. Congratulations.

[Laughter]

ANNIE

At the lowest point in two of our characters' mental health.

ROVER

Yep.

Yeah. Yeah. Amazing timing.

MIRA

The suspicion is rising with every second for me.

[Laughter]

Una doesn't understand wholesome.

MIRA

Una does not trust wholesome! It's a difference!

[Laughter]

She would just, if he walks past her, she would probably just jokingly say,

MIRA [as UNA]

Apparently there's an intruder in here.

[Laughter]

ANNIE

Nice. Nice.

MIRA

And then he goes to pet the bird.

ELIZABETH

Incredible.

MIRA

And feed it. And then she'd just, would back—

ROVER

Give me Animal Handling.

MIRA

Me? Oh. Ooh.

ROVER

Yes! Because you wanted to try and—

ANNIE

Pet the bird.

ROVER

—touch it and feed it.

MIRA

No, no, I said when he feeds, when he feeds it, when he's walking up to feed it—

ANNIE

Oooh.

ROVER

Ooh, sorry.

MIRA

—she's like, "oh, apparently there's an intruder in here." Like jokingly going like, oh yeah no.

ANNIE

Aaah.

ROVER

Oooh.

MIRA

No no no. However…no, I don't think she would touch the bird, no.

ROVER

Okay.

MIRA

Should I give her a knack for birds?

The bird could have a knife.

[Laughter]

ELIZABETH

It's a special bird.

MIRA

It's a talking bird, so that means it's a witness! (Laughs) I'm joking.

[Laughter]

ANNIE

Una has a code.

ROVER

Una has a coin ready to put in the beak of this bird.

[Absolutely joyous laughter]

MIRA

That's the sound that the bird would make, what Jo just did!

[Laughter]

ANNIE

Oh my god.

ELIZABETH

(As a parrot) Raa! That's a knife. Raaa! Oh no.

(Not as a parrot) While he's out of the room, Corwin will go ahead and cut pieces of pie and put them on plates, because half the team is having an emotional breakdown, and Krillis is off talking to Una, so she's just gonna keep doing stuff.

ANNIE

Josie will be in the room seething. In the living room, just steam coming out of her forehead.

ELIZABETH

Corwin is going to offer you a slice of pie with the sweetest smile. Just pretending to be completely oblivious to your moods. And then she's going to turn to Krillis and be like,

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Ah, I think we're all just a bit, you know, antsy to get started on the questioning. What, what color did you want your hair? We can just—that's really quick.

ROVER

He walks out of the room. He has opened the cage. He has put, the bird is now on his shoulder. And he walks past Una, and you can hear the moment he walks past Una, it is immediately like,

ROVER [as PARROT]

(Parrot screeching) Raa! Intruder! Raa!

ROVER

And actively looking at Una. And yeah, he walks into the room, puts his hands back on his hips, and is like,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Ahhh, good question. I quite...hmmm, what is, hmm.

JO [as VIKTOR]

(Sighs)

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

I will think about that. I think, I'm a big fan of, l really like pink, but purple, and...

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

When was the last time you saw your boss?

JO [as VIKTOR]

Yes.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Pink, purple, and blue, those are really good colors. I kind of, I think I like those.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Is this important?

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Yes, this is very important! This is what I'm gonna look like! Of course this is important.

Going to go over to him, ignoring the parrot, and put one of my fingers under his chin to tilt his head up.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Oh, hello. Like, what this apron says is not literally, by the way.

[Laughter]

JO [as VIKTOR]

I don't care.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

I do.

JO [as VIKTOR]

We have questions, and you're going to answer them.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

I, I was. You don't have to—

ROVER

And he tries slowly putting your...

JO [as VIKTOR]

Answer them quicker.

I'm taking my finger away.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Answer them quicker, please.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

I'm answering—I am answering. Likes, I will—yes? Yes.

JO [as VIKTOR]

(Short sigh) When was the last time you saw Jonny?

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Oh, oooh, ummm...

ROVER

He walks past you and is gonna sit on his couch and grab a piece of pie. And he's like,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Hmm. Unsure. I think...a month or so ago?

JO [as VIKTOR]

So in September?

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

I...yeah, I think so. I dunno man, I'm not good with time, but I think something along those lines.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Alright, next question. If it's been a month, why did the information that Jonny is missing take so fucking long to reach anyone's ears?

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Okay, was I supposed to know that he was missing before it was on the news?

JO [as VIKTOR]

It is normal for him to not show up in his shop for a month?

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Yes.

JO [as VIKTOR]

And not letting you know anything?

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Yes. It's, it's...it's, do we not—

JO [as VIKTOR]

(Sighs) Right.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Are we talking about the same Jonny here?

Viktor's going to grab a piece of pie and sit next to Krillis on the couch. A little, like, deflating, being like, "Oh fuck, he's immune to my threats. Fuck." (Laughs)

[Laughter]

ELIZABETH

And Corwin's just gonna, Corwin's just gonna sigh and be like,

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

I feel like maybe we should start at the beginning?

ANNIE

Yeah, Josie, changing tact, is gonna be like,

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Can I see your parrot for a minute?

[Rover gasps]

Mmm! Mmm! Druid moves, yes!

ANNIE

And reach out.

MIRA

(Laughing) We've been plotting.

ANNIE

Because Druid, Druidically, is going to be like, trying to...come come.

ROVER

(Punctuated by dice thunks) I'm gonna see how fucking dense he kind of is. Oh he is sometimes fucking dense, and I love him.

MIRA

It would be funny if the bird is more intelligent than Krillis. (Laughs)

ANNIE

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking!

MIRA

When I said, when I said it's a witness, you were laughing at me. (Laughs)

ROVER

Yeah.

ANNIE

It's certainly less obstinate. I'm gonna put Speak with Animals on.

ROVER

Your Speak with Animal’s on?

ANNIE

Yeah.

ROVER

Okay. So basically, Speak with Animals, you can basically speak with animals if you start it at the long rest. And I think it lasts for the entire day, doesn't it?

ANNIE

No, it's only 10 minutes.

ROVER

Only 10 minutes. Okay, got it.

ANNIE

Yeah, so, I'll read the text really quick. It's just: “For the duration, you can comprehend and verbally communicate with beasts, and you can use any of the influence action skills.” Like, so Influence or Intimidate, or all that sort of thing.

ROVER

Mmhmm. Okay.

ANNIE

Or Charm. Right. Yeah, so, my hope is that I can take the parrot to have a—just on my finger—and go have a separate conversation to see if the parrot knows anything about Jonny. That's the whole idea.

ROVER

He, he puts his finger to his shoulder, puts the parrot on the finger, and puts it on yours. Roll me Animal Handling.

ANNIE

Okay. I have good Animal Handling.

ROVER

With Advantage, cause you're a Druid.

ANNIE

Oh, thank you.

[Dice tower clacks]

Okay.

[More dice tower clickety clacks]

Okay. That's a 16.

MIRA

Whoo!

ELIZABETH

Ayy, okay.

ROVER

The parrot looks at you and kind of follows the way that you're looking, and then just tilts its head, and is like,

ROVER [as PARROT]

Friend?

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Friend.

ROVER [as PARROT]

Friend!

ANNIE

And is gonna kind of walk, walk a little distance, like back toward near its cage, and then cast the spell.

ROVER

Okay. Krillis just also goes,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Okay bye!

[Annie laughs]

Alright.

ANNIE

I, to be clear, Josie is not charmed by this man at all. She just, she's too gay for this shit.

[Laughter]

She walked in and saw a shirtless man and had everyone else have this big reaction, and she was like, "fuck this. I'm so annoyed." And is leaving the room.

ELIZABETH

(Laughing) Yeah, Corwin's not, Corwin's not charmed in a romantic way—

ANNIE

No, I know.

ELIZABETH

She's just like, "you know what, we might get more...might as well make a friend, and we might get more information."

ANNIE

Yeah.

MIRA

You catch more flies on the honey than vinegar.

ELIZABETH

Yeah yeah yeah. Yeah yeah yeah yeah.

ANNIE

Right, I just mean that Josie is super obstinate about it.

ELIZABETH

(Laughing) I love that.

ANNIE

And is just like immediately upon, immediately upon encountering a shirtless man, is like, "I am leaving the room. Fuck this."

[Laughter]

MIRA

Josie's too overstimulated to give him any piece of mind.

ELIZABETH

Josie's like, "you know what, I don't want any part in this nonsense." Fair.

ANNIE

Nope! This shit has nothing to do with me!

Ah, dear listener, dear listener if you ever enter a room and see a shirtless man, just leave! (Laughs) With his parrot.

[Laughter]

ANNIE

Good. True!

ELIZABETH

Yeah, just leave!

ROVER

Steal his parrot and leave! Anyway.

ELIZABETH

As Josie walks away, Corwin will just kind of be like,

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Oh, don't worry. Josie's great with animals. Your parrot's in good hands.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Yeah, sometimes she is one.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

(Genuinely) Oooh, cooooool.

ROVER

And then we move over to Josie and the parrot. Tell me what you want to talk about.

ANNIE

Okay so, mostly I want to ask the parrot,

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

First of all, what's your name? Cause it's not necessarily the one that he gave you.

ROVER [as PARROT]

Did he give you my name?

ANNIE

I don't—did he give? I didn't, if he did I missed it.

ROVER [as PARROT]

I don't think he did.

[Laughter]

ANNIE

Right, but either way, I'm still asking the parrot.

ROVER

(Laughing) Yeah.

ROVER [as PARROT]

Um, I mean, I think I'm...ooh. Can I choose my own name now?

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Is this the first time anyone's used Speak with Animals on you?

ROVER [as PARROT]

I think so.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Oh, you poor thing. I'm so sorry. I'll have to come back and visit again sometime.

ROVER [as PARROT]

That would be lovely.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Listen, I don't have long here. But I'm wondering if you know Jonny, your—the Dwarf who lives here, his boss. Would you happen to know him?

ROVER [as PARROT]

Ah the, the the the the tiny, the tiny fella who walks around with weapons?

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Yeah. That's the one. That's the one.

ROVER [as PARROT]

He almost shot me once.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Yeah, he's done that to me a couple times, too.

ROVER [as PARROT]

Is he also quite a bad shot?

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Yeah.

ROVER [as PARROT]

Ahh.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

I think he does it on purpose, to be honest with you, but I can't tell.

ROVER [as PARROT]

Mmm, I can't tell either. I feel like, I mean, my buddy over there in the other room, he's also not very good at shooting. I mean, he has a hammer, but other than that, he's not very good at other stuff.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

I believe that.

ROVER [as PARROT]

He's good at food. I quite like his food. He's a good chef.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Ah, when was the last time you saw the little one with the guns? His name's Jonny, by the way. When was the last time you saw him around?

ROVER [as PARROT]

Ah, Jonny. Jooooony.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Jonny, yeah yeah.

ROVER [as PARROT]

Fun name.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Ah yeah, it's good, right?

ROVER [as PARROT]

I don't know. A while ago.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Okay.

ROVER [as PARROT]

I don't know, he was talking a lot. He talks a lot. He talks like he's nervous all the time.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Is he usually nervous when he comes over?

ROVER [as PARROT]

Yeah...

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Hmm, okay.

ROVER [as PARROT]

And this time he was nervous enough—like, he likes to be very touchy feely with everyone. And he likes to always put me on his shoulder, or somewhere in his hair. He's like that.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

(Chuckles)

ROVER [as PARROT]

He...I dunno. He was looking at something, like a piece of paper, the entire time? He was trying to figure stuff out. I don't know.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Mmm, do you think—

ROVER [as PARROT]

He didn't, he didn't talk with my buddy.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Oh, he didn't, he didn't talk with your buddy?

ROVER [as PARROT]

No, he kind of just waved him off, and then was like, "You stay home, and I'll call you when you can come back."

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

That's already very helpful. Thanks for your time. Do you happen to know if he left any papers behind for your buddy, anything that might have instructions on it for him, or something?

ROVER [as PARROT]

I don't know.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

That's okay.

ROVER [as PARROT]

I, I'm gonna be really honest, I can't really...I can't really read.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Oh, no no no! I just wanted to know if the papers were there. I wasn't expecting you to know what's on them. It's your first time speaking with a person! Take your time.

ROVER [as PARROT]

I mean, there's always paper.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

That's fair.

ROVER [as PARROT]

I mean, it also, I have, you know, lots of papers in this, like, almost like, I don't know, I keep thinking it's wood. I can sit on it. And then my buddy, he, he keeps...I don't know, man. He keeps flicking through this for hours, and then he's like, "Oh, that was good," and then he puts it down, and goes to bed.

Aw! (Laughs)

ROVER

And with that, I'm gonna move to...the other side.

[Laughter]

I love this parrot! Can we adopt the parrot? Can we just keep it?

ANNIE

I really do kind of want to be like, "this one's coming with me." I have a familiar!

MIRA

Screw Krillis, keep the parrot! Although the parrot doesn't like me. So it's okay. (Laughs)

ANNIE

Oh my god, what a fun dynamic if I have a parrot I can talk to, who doesn't like you.

Ohh.

MIRA

That's fair.

ANNIE

(Laughing) But loves me.

MIRA

That's fair.

ROVER

Oh my god, incredible.

ELIZABETH

This is the best thing ever.

ROVER

Okay, where you guys are with Krillis—

(Laughing) This is all such whiplash.

[Laughter]

ANNIE

I know, Jesus Christ. Compared to last episode? Oh my god.

ELIZABETH

Whoo. Incredible.

ROVER

Hey, hey listen. I can, I can be a comedic relief when I need to be, okay. I know I'm also very depressed with this entire thing, but you guys get to have some laughs.

[Laughter]

MIRA

Oh my god.

ELIZABETH

What Ro is saying is that this is all of our laughs for the prologue. It's right now.

Yes.

ANNIE

Yeah.

ELIZABETH

This is all the laughs we get.

ROVER

I genuinely felt like y'all needed a little bit of, just a little bit more downtime. So yeah.

Yeah, no no no. This is good. This is good. It’s good. We're good.

MIRA

You know, carrot and the stick. Trauma and laughs. We get it.

ROVER

Yeah, you know.

[Laughter]

So with Krillis, after he said,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Okay, bye.

ROVER

He's eating his pie.

[Light, acoustic music continues]

ELIZABETH

Corwin is also eating her pie. She will probably ask,

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

So what was Jonny like before he disappeared? Like the last couple times you saw him. Was he normal? Did you notice anything weird?

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Ah, ooh, that's a good question. I don't know. He basically, he's always working somewhere. And since he's been with the government, it's been this whole thing of like, "I'm gonna go there. Oh no, I'm gonna go there." And then he works with, oooh, what is (sighs)...what is the name of that place. Umm...oh god.

MIRA [as UNA]

You mean your place of employment?

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

No...he has these people that he makes stuff for. And it's not the government. What is it, the—

JO [as VIKTOR]

The Wanted Dead.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

The Wanted Dead! That's a good one. Yeah, exactly. They are based in London, so I don't think you need to be here for that. He has stuff for that. He has some stuff over in, oh god I don't, oh man it's been so long since he told me this. Ah, more near the shores.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Dover?

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Probably? Yeah, that might be a good place.

JO [as VIKTOR]

(Quietly) Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

I...

JO [as VIKTOR]

Alright, can I ask you a question in between?

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Of course. You will have me leave my train of thought. I have to say that, just to be sure. Because people tend to forget that.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

I think that's okay.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Okay.

JO [as VIKTOR]

You and Jonny, were you, would you consider yourself close? Like friends? Or were you more like, you were his assistant, and...?

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Oh, we're buddies. But I, I don't talk to him much, other than him being, like, in the shop or something. He makes some stuff, and he tells me to fix it up, and then I do that. And he's lovely. He's a good kid.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Have you not been to the sh—

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

He's older than me, but still, he's a good kid.

JO [as VIKTOR]

I understand the sentiment, thank you.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Okay.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Have you not been in the shop then, for a month?

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

I don't, I don't think so, no.

JO [as VIKTOR]

You think you were not in the shop? Krillis, I need you to focus please. (Laughs) Where have you been in the shop within the last 30 days, or whatever it is.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Ah, well, I dunno, like, before, before he was seen as missing. I used to go walk past the shop, and then he wasn't there, which is logical, because he's never, he's never there. He's there in the weekends. That's when he's there. However, it was just, I know that he went to Manchester for something. I know that he went to London for something. I know that he went to Dover for some—he's, I also know that he went to, like, oh, what was it? He, um, he told me that some books would be coming in from the Sun Bastion? The, the, the...

JO [as VIKTOR]

I, I believe, I believe it's called Bastard Sun?

[Quiet, spluttering laughter]

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Ah, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not—

JO [as VIKTOR]

No no no, no no, you're on the—

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

You know what? Keep that one in mind.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Yeah yeah yeah. Yeah.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

(Stammering) It's, it's near France, at least. In France, near France. I don't know. But he's across seas.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

(Sighs) The Solar Bastion, I think.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Solar Bastion! Now that’s the right one. Yeah. He said he got some books that would be sent over to him, and I got them. I didn't check them, obviously, because he told me not to. He also told me to just not come back for a while, so...yeah. Is that what you want to know? I don't know a lot.

MIRA

Question. Does he seem to be purposefully stumbling over his words, or is he just an idiot?

[Laughter]

ANNIE

It's a worthwhile question.

ELIZABETH

We love him!

ROVER

Do you wanna give me an Insight check?

MIRA

I would love to give you an Insight check.

Yeah, please do.

ELIZABETH

(Singing) Vibe check.

Someone has to.

MIRA

Cause, like, I imagine Una is just standing there leaning against the doorframe—

Yeah. Yes.

ROVER

Yeah.

MIRA

—just observing the circus. (Laughs) Just like—

[Dice thunks]

In my head, it's Krillis in the middle, Corwin and Viktor with pie on the side, and you're standing there.

MIRA

(Signing) It's a nat 20!

ROVER

Amazing!

ANNIE

Let's go!

ELIZABETH

Nice! Let's go!

MIRA

It's very polarizing rolls for me in the last hour.

ANNIE

Yeah, right?

ROVER

Yeah! Like 20, 1, 20.

MIRA

20, 1, 20.

ROVER

Yeah. He is very much just an idiot.

Aww.

ROVER

He is, it looks like he's thinking so hard about, like, every time someone wants to know something, he's thinking very hard. And then you can see, like, there's, for a moment, that his eyes kind of become wider, as if he figures out something, and then it just goes away again. It's just being like, (sighs).

MIRA

Oh my god. The brain cell escapes. Okay. Right.

[Laughter]

ROVER

Yeah, and what you can tell though—he's trying to be helpful in a way that people can understand him. He's just, it almost looks like he has not had a lot of people around him a lot.

MIRA

(Laughing quietly) Oh my god. He's not well-socialized. Okay.

Mmm.

ELIZABETH

Buddy.

ROVER

He's very much not well-socialized.

MIRA

How old would you say he is? It is easy, is it easy-ish to say, for a Dwarf age?

ROVER

I'd say you're looking more—if we're looking at Dwarf age, you're looking more at 70-ish.

MIRA

Okay, so quite young for a Dwarf.

ROVER

Yeah, early 30s if we're looking at human years.

MIRA

Yeah yeah yeah. Okay. Right.

MIRA [as UNA]

Where was the last location that you remember Jonny telling you about?

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

The last location, as in where he went? Because the last time I—

MIRA [as UNA]

Yeah, that's—yeah, you got it. That one.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Ooh. He went to Manchester, I know that.

MIRA [as UNA]

And when was that?

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

He sent his dad to Dover? Um...but he went to Manchester, came back, and then was like, "I'm gonna need, I'm gonna need a while off." And then he said, "I will call you when I need you again." And I was like, "Okay."

MIRA [as UNA]

Okay.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Do you know why he sent his dad to Dover?

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Oh! Oh! Oh, this is a very fun one.

ROVER

He stands up, and he walks to this kind of bigger book, and he opens it, and there's a couple pictures in there. And he's like,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Jonny, Jonny has such a cool idea. You know how all these ships keep wanting to go over the ocean and don't come back? He's trying to make a ship that can do that, and then we can maybe figure out other places in the world. He's always so enthusiastic about places! And I know that he wants to know about the Netherlands, you know, being flooded and all, blah blah blah. He can, he's trying to figure all that out. And he's always so enthusiastic about everything that he's making.

And his dad is helping him with that. Now that he's done making all these cars and stuff.

ROVER

And he keeps, like, rattling. And he's enthusiastically showing you pictures from the stuff that he's working on. And you can also see, for example, the mechanical stuff that he's made through the years. Yeah.

MIRA [as UNA]

Lovely. So when was it, the last time you've seen Jonny? Was it last week? Was it last month? Was it...I don't know. Give me a rough idea on the date that you can remember.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

What date is it today? 22nd, I think? Yeah, 22nd.

ROVER

And he grabs a newspaper off the side of the table, and he starts looking at it, and he's like,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

I think it's 22nd of Octo...yeah, 22nd of October, great. I think I saw him, I don't know.

MIRA [as UNA]

Did anything else significant happen?

ANNIE

Just above table really quick, I wanna mention that Marcus, Jonny's dad, lied to us because he explicitly said he rarely sees him and hasn't been super in touch with him or working with him.

Mmhmm.

MIRA

Yeah.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Yeah, I don't know. Maybe like, oooh, 16th, maybe? 16th of September, ish? 16th, 17th. Something like that. I genuinely do not remember as much. And that's when he told me, like, I need a couple days off. He had, the books had arrived, and he had...for such a, for such a small, quite light man, he had such heavy books on him, man. Jesus.

MIRA [as UNA]

Do you remember what they looked like?

ROVER

Jo, first. Hold up, before we go.

MIRA

Oh, sorry.

ROVER

All good.

Yeah, sorry. Very quick above table question. Do we have anything from Jonny's shop with a date on it?

MIRA

It was the letter? The envelope?

ANNIE

I know we grabbed that envelope that was really fancy and addressed to him. Would that have a date or a postmark on it?

ROVER

Envelope wouldn't have any...only has his name.

MIRA

Then no, I guess? So this is when Una would look over to Viktor and be like, raising an eyebrow at the date that Krillis is giving us. I don't remember if Una was already there when Safra told them what she knows about Jonny's disappearance and the dates.

ROVER

Brian told you guys that if it was similar to when someone from the church of Apollo went missing, it would have been around the 19th of September.

Yeah yeah yeah. That much is up. I was just thinking about if we have any other dates. Viktor's just slowly nodding, while eating the pie.

ROVER

I'm gonna move back, with that information, to Josie and the parrot.

ANNIE

Josie and the Parrot, that's a new band name. Great. Unless anyone has any other above-table ideas, because I am bad at interrogating NPCs, I kind of do think I got most of what's useful out of the bird.

ELIZABETH

Yeah, you're doing great.

MIRA

You're doing great.

ANNIE

So what I was gonna do from here is instead go,

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Well, look, like I said, this spell that I'm using doesn't last very long. But you've already been very helpful. Is there something that we can do to repay you? Are you happy here?

[Laughter]

ELIZABETH

Oh!

ROVER [as PARROT]

Umm, I may not have my buddy, and my buddy is pretty nice. I…hmmm. I would love to see some more of the world.

Oh. My. God.

ROVER [as PARROT]

You know? I would love, I would genuinely—

ELIZABETH

We're not stealing this man's only friend.

ROVER [as PARROT]

I would love to see it, like, I know that there's something called the ocean?

MIRA

I knew it!

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Mmhmm.

ROVER [as PARROT]

Which is cool.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Oh, it's beautiful. We're headed there later, I think!

ROVER [as PARROT]

Oh! Can I sneak into your pocket?

[Laughter]

ELIZABETH

Oooh!

Yes!

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Sure. You don't want us to let your friend know that you're going?

ROVER [as PARROT]

No, I do want to let my buddy know. But as long as my buddy knows I'm safe, it's all good.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Great! Climb on in, we'll go talk to him.

ROVER [as PARROT]

Yay!

ROVER

And he, it flies into...do you have a jacket pocket that's big enough for them to...go in?

ANNIE

For sure. Yeah.

ROVER

Yeah. Excellent. And then he's, then they're gonna sit in that pocket, kind of head out of it.

MIRA

Cute!

ANNIE

Yeah. Cause she'll have kind of a leather jacket kind of thing. So one of the pockets down low, you can just see his little head poking out.

ROVER

Okay.

MIRA

So cute!

ELIZABETH

Oh my gosh. I'm dying.

I hope this parrot has plot armor as well. (Laughs)

ANNIE

I know, seriously!

ELIZABETH

This parrot has freaking better have plot armor.

It can't have more hit points than, what, 15?

MIRA

Probably not more than...

If even, 5!

ANNIE

It's probably got 5, yeah.

ELIZABETH

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. I have so many spells that can raise AC and hit points on people who aren't me. It's fine.

Oh my god.

[Laughter]

MIRA

Fuck any other random NPC. The parrot (laughs).

Amazing.

MIRA

Love it.

ELIZABETH

This is my favorite.

ROVER

I thought y'all deserved some fun stuff.

MIRA

Love it.

ANNIE

I love, I love that we're opening this plot thread for the whole campaign right now.

ROVER

Yeah.

Above table, I don't think we get more information from Krillis.

MIRA

I mean, I was waiting for the answer from him about the books, if he knows what they look like? But that was the only thing.

Oh, fuck, yeah. Sorry. Sorry, I forgot about that.

ANNIE

Oh, yeah.

ROVER

Oh! Let’s say, does Josie walk back into the room at that moment?

ANNIE

Yeah yeah yeah. Josie's gonna come back in with the bird at this point. And you, you just, if anyone is looking at her walk in, you'll just see the little bird head sticking out of my pocket, as she's just like—

MIRA

Cute!

[Parrot screech]

ANNIE

Josie is clearly in a much better mood, and is just strolling back into the room.

ROVER [as PARROT]

(Parrot screech) Raa! New friend! Raa!

MIRA [as UNA]

Mmm, it apparently knows more words.

Viktor's face-palming in the background.

[Laughter]

JO [as VIKTOR]

(Whispering) What the fuck.

ROVER

Yeah, so you—does Una still ask about what the books look like?

MIRA

Yeah, cause she asked, like, "Oh, what do the books look like, if you remember?" Cause I think I got from the context that he'd seen them? Unless I got it completely wrong, then you can ignore that question.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

He had at least three bigger Solar, Solar? Solar Bastion?

ROVER

Looks at Corwin, being like,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Solar Bastion, was it, right? Like three big, kind of research-ish books about it. And then he had a bunch of, like, he was trying to...I don't know, there was stuff about tarot cards? I didn't even think he was interested in those? I didn't...listen, Jonny's everything. I did not think he was some kind of psychic or whatever. I don't know if he's following all of that. But if he is, good for him, you know?

MIRA [as UNA]

No, I'm happy for him as well.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

I don't know what this is about.

MIRA [as UNA]

I'm happy for him as well. But if that was his interest at the time, do you remember what the other books were about, as well?

MIRA

(Laughs) She's really trying to keep him on track.

[Laughter]

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

The other books...ooooh, he, I don't know. I'm sorry. He has so many things. There's so many papers in his shop. Like, I mean if you want me, I can go back there and see if I can find some stuff? But I'm...

MIRA [as UNA]

Speaking about things in the shop...

MIRA

And this is when Una would turn to Vik and give a pointed look, hinting at the things at the shop that Krillis might know about. The room, potentially.

Viktor has eaten half of the pie and puts the plate aside, and is like,

JO [as VIKTOR]

So, do you happen to know if Jonny has any other warehouse situation? Somewhere where he keeps his books in?

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

I know that he has, like, a....look here, I can't really tell people this, but I feel like we're on a good, we're on a good track here. So he has like—

JO [as VIKTOR]

Is it about the secret room?

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Yes?

JO [as VIKTOR]

Okay, good. I just wanted to know whether you knew.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

When did you...? He's only shown me that last year. How do you...?

JO [as VIKTOR]

Jonny and I are very close friends.

[Laughter]

I'm happy to roll Deception, by the way.

ROVER

Roll me a Deception that's higher than 5.

ANNIE

The easiest Deception in the world.

I'm sorry. I mean, I have more than 5 on the die, but I just wanna know...

MIRA

(Laughing) More than 5 on the die.

6 plus 7? I'm not making a meme.

ANNIE

13.

MIRA

13.

ANNIE

Oh boy.

ROVER

Oh god. Yeah, Deception. I already forgot what the roll was for. And I was like, what the fuck.

I'm sorry—

ROVER

No, it's all good!

What I said was,

JO [as VIKTOR]

Jonny and I are very close friends.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

(Gasps) Oh. Ooooh! Oh, hold up. Hold up. Are you friends with Nyx or something? Cause—

JO [as VIKTOR]

Of course.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Oooooh. Ooh. Of course you've seen it. So, oh, you're friends—oh no, that makes a lot of sense! Alright. Alright. Yeah, he goes down there...it's either to study, he put a lot of his books down there with him. I've never been allowed in, because he's always like, "Oh yeah I've put all of..."

JO [as VIKTOR]

Oh.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

He doesn't want me fucking around with the notes.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Yeahhhh.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

I don't know. I can be, I can be careful! I can be, I can be very good at making sure that everything's in the right place, and stuff like that.

ROVER

And he looks over at Josie and sees the parrot in there, and he's like,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Ooooh! Oh, new friends. Okay, yes. Alright. It's good, as long as the bird likes—

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Yeah. Your bird has asked me to go see the ocean.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

(Gasps) Now that is a fantastic idea.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

I agree.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

I, I can grab my jacket if you want.

ROVER

And he stands up, and he's—

[Laughter]

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Oh, no no no no no.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Oh.

JO [as VIKTOR]

(Whispering) Josie!

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

I'll take the bird with. You have to, you have to, to make sure...the bird will come back. We will bring the bird back eventually. But you have to make sure that you're here, and you keep the place nice, and keep baking. And, we'll, we'll bring the bird back.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

You...oh, I see! I see. Is this a...are you guys having a bounty on my bird? Because if that is the case, then hey hey hey, then I'm taking, if you need to take him in for something, that's not my problem.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Yeah. Yeah. He killed a man.

ANNIE

(Distantly) Goddammit!

JO [as VIKTOR]

It was gruesome.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Oh! Oh buddy. Oh man. Oh well.

ROVER

And he has this kind of big grin on his face. And like,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Alright, alright.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Sorry.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

You know what? I can, my bird's smart enough. You guys can take care of him. You know what? Yeah, sure. Take them with you. I think they'll be perfectly fine.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Oh! Oh! Actually. You've been very helpful, and very nice.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Oh, thank you!

And he's, he’s going, Viktor's going to reach in his very book-specific pocket. He's going to grab a piece of paper, and fold it real quick into a little origami parrot to give it to Krillis.

ANNIE

Aww.

ELIZABETH

Aww.

ROVER

Give me a Sleight of Hand. I want to see how good it is. With advantage, because you've done this often. Didn't you have advantage for something, for it already?

I forgot—

ELIZABETH

We used...

Fuck the advantage, I just rolled a natural 20!

ANNIE

Yeah!

ELIZABETH

Let's go!

MIRA

It looks so alive! (Laughs)

ANNIE

The world's most beautiful origami crane!

ROVER

This is, it looks, this might be one of the best pieces of work that you've ever done.

Debatable.

ROVER

Like how you can make something quickly. It looks so good. And he grabs it, and he's like,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

(Gasps)

JO [as VIKTOR]

It's for you.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

You know what, maybe...

ROVER

Very dreamily staring at it, he's like,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

You know what, maybe what my apron says is correct. You know what? You are allowed to, if that is what you want. It's okay.

ROVER

And he puts it—

ANNIE

Josie is walking for the door.

ROVER

He's like carefully, and he's like...

Viktor, Viktor's like,

JO [as VIKTOR]

Allowed to what?

[Laughter]

And then realizing, and is like,

JO [as VIKTOR]

Oh, I...ah...maybe next time.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Oh, I will keep that. I still want Corwin to dye my hair though! Can we make that deal? Hold up. I first want to make that deal. I have three braids, what if we dye every beard one of the colors? And if you do that, I will let you guys take my buddy.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Whatever you say. Name your colors.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

What I said! Pink, blue, and purple.

ELIZABETH

Corwin snaps her fingers and uses Prestidigitation to send up sparks and a puff of smoke.

[Snap]

[Shimmering chime]

And then very, very quickly, uses Prestidigitation to dye the three braids.

ROVER

He coughs for a moment from all the soap smell.

[Laughter]

And then looks at himself in the mirror, and he starts actively kind of, he pulls the braids out of, or the hair ties out of his braids, and kind of makes sure that the beard goes all across, fully. And then sees the—

The Bi flag.

ROVER

The pink, purple, blue, the Bi flag.

ANNIE

Yeah.

ROVER

Hint hint.

ELIZABETH

Love! I love him.

ROVER

Sees that, and he's like,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

(Gasps) Now this!

ROVER

And he kind of just does, where he kind of swipes the hair away that he has, and he's like,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

This is fashion!

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

You look amazing.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Thank you!

ROVER

And he goes in to give you a hug.

ELIZABETH

Oh yeah, Corwin gives him a very big hug.

ROVER

He, he gives her a very strong hug, and he's like,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

You know what? You are always welcome here, and I trust you fully with my bird.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Great. I, yeah, Josie is incredible with animals.

ANNIE

Josie's in the hallway at this point, by the way.

ELIZABETH

Yeah (laughs). Corwin kind of glances over her shoulder.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

I'm sure that your bird will be really happy. We'll, we'll bring them back. At least Josie will.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Incredible. Oh now, this is fun. If you, if you guys also ever want me to make you another pie, I can, I can make a pie and you guys can take it on the road. It will take a while, but I can make one.

JO [as VIKTOR]

I—ooh.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

I can make something else, but I'm—I would say I'm pretty good at cooking.

[Laughter]

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

I, I think we might—

JO [as VIKTOR]

Yes...I think we have to leave. However, I would like to extend the deal. Next time we meet, it's going to be, mmm, let's say, cherry pie?

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Oooh.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Mmm.

And I'm walking backwards out the door. (Laughs)

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Give me a call, and I will make sure it's ready when you get here.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Alright sweetheart, whatever you say. (Whispers) Let's go.

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Oooh, okay!

JO [as VIKTOR]

Let's go!

[Laughter]

ROVER

And he's like,

ROVER [as KRILLIS]

Bye! I will see you guys later!

ROVER

And then he closes the door.

[Door clunks shut]

[Music stops]

JO [as VIKTOR]

(Sighs)

ELIZABETH

As the door closes, Corwin kind of whispers,

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

I hope we can meet again.

ANNIE

Aww.

ROVER

Aww.

MIRA [as UNA]

I hope we don't need to.

[Laughter]

ELIZABETH

Una's like, "No!"

ROVER

And then you hear from the pocket that, of Josie from where the parrot is—

ANNIE

Do it. Oh.

ROVER

And I will, for the sake of ease, this is the last thing Josie hears before the—

ANNIE

Before the spell ends, right.

ROVER

— the spell ends. And it's like,

ROVER [as PARROT]

(Parrot screech) Raa! I quite like the name Jazzy. I think I'm quite Jazzy. (Parrot screech) Raa!

MIRA

Jazzy!

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Nice to meet you Jazzy.

ROVER

And that is where we end the episode. Thank you all—

What the fuck.

ANNIE

Ah!

ELIZABETH

Incredible! Incredible. No notes!

MIRA

(Claps)

Amazing.

ANNIE

Literally no notes, I barely took any.

ROVER

(Laughs) Thank you guys so much for listening to this kind of more silly, silly episode of Remains To Be Seen. And we'll be going back to the sadness very, very soon.

ANNIE

Oh yes, we will!

ROVER

And you know, I will see you guys on the side of the Protectors very soon, and then next week, we'll, whoooo—remains to be seen, I guess. Buh-bye everyone.

ALL

Bye!

JO [as PARROT]

Raa! Bye!

MIRA [as PARROT]

Raa! Bye!

[Laughter]

[Show outro plays]

ROVER

Remains To Be Seen is an original podcast created by Dyaflame Studios and licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution non-commercial share-alike 4.0 international license.

Today’s episode was produced by Rik den Breejen and edited by Rover Elliott and Jo Mendacium. It starred:

Elizabeth Simpson as Corwin Duvall
Jo Mendacium as Viktor Valthayne
Annie Ruby as Josie
Mirah Fae as Una
and Rover Elliott as the Dungeon Master

The intro and outro were composed by We Talk of Dreams, and the transcript was written by Elizabeth Simpson.

To get in touch with us and keep up to date with our antics, follow us on Instagram, BlueSky and TikTok @ DyaflameStudios or view our website at www.dyaflame.com

Check our show notes for additional credits, links and transcripts.