001 - Bounty Hunters - Bubblegum and Dagger

Content Warnings
- Natural Disaster (referenced)
- Alcohol Consumption
- Sexual Innuendo
- Missing People/Disappearances
- Dismemberment (referenced)
- Memory Loss

[Show intro plays]

ROVER

Hello everyone, and welcome to Remains To Be Seen, the DnD show where one group's past could determine the other group's future. I am your host, Rover Elliott, and today I am here with:

ANNIE

Hi, I'm Annie Ruby. My pronouns are she/her.

ELIZABETH

I am Elizabeth Simpson. My pronouns are she/her.

I'm Jo Mendacium. My pronouns are he/they/she.

MIRA

Hi, it's Mira G, and I'm she/her.

ROVER

Hello everyone. I am so excited. This is the first episode of our podcast! So, that’s going to be really fun!

[Excited noises from all!]

I mean, first recording, yeah.

ROVER

First recording. First recording. So this is a Dungeons and Dragons podcast. We are using the 2024 edition. Can someone explain to the people who don't really know what DnD is, what it is, basically?

Shall I?

ROVER

Go for it.

Okay. So, the general gist of DnD is: you meet up with your friends, online or in person, and imagine going on an adventure for hours, usually. Someone is going to lead the adventure, that's called the Dungeon Master or Game Master, for short DM or GM. And you usually roll dice to determine how your adventure goes, if you win a fight or not.

The most used die in DnD is a d20, a 20-sided die. Then depending on what your character's class is, you might use more or less dice than just the d20. Yeah.

ROVER

Yeah! And for example, for things like opening a door in a stealthy way, you roll that dice, and then you don't want to, you know, roll a 1, because you will take door damage. And if you roll a nat 20, that door opens for you without a sound. Basically that. It's really easy if you look at it that way.

And then you look at your character sheet, and you're like, "What is going on?" That's fine on the first time. I mean, we have...in our show, we'll have people that have played DnD before, that have not played DnD before, or not a lot. So we are very much still walking through everything and making sure that everyone still understands it. And also for our listeners, to make sure that our listeners understand it. So, I'm already saying: if there's any questions for that, don't worry. We'll get through that.

So, for that. Let's kind of see where our story starts. Where the campaign starts.

So our story starts in the year 19-something something (we aren't really putting a date to that), in a Europe that is in some ways very similar to the one that you're used to, and in other ways not so much. These lands are steeped in magic. And where 35 years ago was still the Netherlands, today our gaze wanders over a vast swamp. The cause of the flood is, to this day, a subject of heated debate among scholars. But one fact remains: the flood is not over yet, and it's slowly but surely making its way through Belgium.

While magic has been a steady thing in this world, parts of it are still relatively unknown and undergoing experimental use. This is including necromancy. Unfortunately, that research was based in the Netherlands, and thus the part of necromancy where you can revive someone has been lost with the flooded county. So in this world, that magic no longer exists.

We do not use any revive magics. So things in this world like Revivify, Raise Dead, Resurrection: that does not exist. Will that ever change with whatever people find in the show? I don't know. That remains to be seen.

Now, as we zoom in a bit more, we start in the heart of the UK, London.

[Bells begin to chime]

The date is the 21st of October. It's midafternoon, with the sun set high in the sky, and we see a diverse population getting ready for Will'o'ween on the 31st.

[Crowd noises and city ambience hum in the background]

A group of the Illusionists' Guild are using their magic to give children illusionary wings; bakeries are selling their famous Will'o'Pies and getting ready to compete in their own bakers competition.

As we look upon the streets, we see carriages trailing through the city, and the rich flashing off their magical cars—new and still declared as too dangerous for the big public, but, you know. The rich still want to show off.

Along the streets are lanterns with hiring notices for a new team of "Protectors," of sorts, for the government, and here and there are the missing persons posters. When we pass along people next to the newspaper stands, we can hear them talk about the recent disappearances that have been displayed in the papers and on the radios.

Some do not really understand why the House of Six, the six European leaders who take the drastic measures for the continent, are so very adamant on focusing on just a couple disappearances. While others seem nervous about the connections between important architects and prisoners going missing around the same time.

A newspaper with the headline, "CROWN SMITH AMONG THE DISAPPEARANCES CAUSES UPROAR IN COUNTRY" drops on the pavement as we continue our focus to a Half-Elf in between the crowds, looking at the stairs leading down into the London Underground: the old metro station now turned into the home base of the recently legalized Bounty Hunter facility.

[Clapping—we're all very excited]

Lizzie, Elizabeth, can you describe your character for us?

ELIZABETH

Of course. Corwin is relatively tall. She's about 6ft, or 182cm, and she is wearing extremely battered studded leather armor that she has very clearly gotten secondhand. It's had at least a couple of owners before her.

She's carrying a halberd that is a little bit taller than she is, and it is a gorgeous weapon. It looks like it's been designed by an artist. The hilt is wrapped in all of these curls of wire, and the metal at the base and at the top is intricately carved with all these different swirls and designs. But she is holding it a little bit awkwardly, as though she's not entirely comfortable with it, and she keeps running her fingers over some marks that are etched into the shaft.

Otherwise, she is pretty pale. She has freckles all over her face. She has the very standard, kind of angular Elven features, and her ears are absolutely decked out in piercings. And most notably, she has short, bubblegum pink hair. She is an entirely conspicuous person.

ROVER

Corwin, you are looking down into the stairs going into Waterloo station. And on the side of the wall, there is a small poster saying, "Nothing to lose? Ask for Brian." with an arrow pointed down to the stairs and to the tunnels.

ELIZABETH

Corwin is going to look at the sign and kind of readjust her grip on her halberd, and square her shoulders a little bit, and take a deep breath, and head down the stairs.

ROVER

So, as she heads down the stairs, there is quite the noise coming through the room.

[Voice and faint music rise in the background]

You can hear a little bit of music, you can hear the population, and as you go past some of the people, you can see still a diverse crowd filled with just people with daggers to their belts, bows upon their backs. You see some people walking around with guns, metallic arms, stuff like that.

And in the very middle, there seems to be this, this counter. And behind the counter is a quite small gray goblin with spiky pink hair all the way over their scalp, who seems to just...feet onto the counter, tapping a pen against the desk. While the noise around it seems to be...bars, but not public bars. You know exactly that these bars are very much only for the bounty hunter sector. And people outside of this sector do not really come in all the way to experience the life here.

You know from experience that people are still not very certain if bounty hunters are the way that we want it to be, that they're a sector that we want to engage with. And yeah, this goblin seems to kind of look up at you, roll their eyes, sigh, and sit ready.

ROVER [as GOBLIN]

Hello.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

(Stammering) Hi. Uh—lovely to meet you. I, I love your hair. Excellent, excellent shade. You'll have to let me know how you achieved that. I, um, I saw the poster at the top of the stairs. I'm looking for Brian, I believe it was?

ROVER [as GOBLIN]

Oh, you are so clearly new here. Alright, hold up.

ROVER

The goblin stands up from their chair, walks around, and seems to walk a little bit farther on before they just go:

ROVER [as GOBLIN]

(Yelling) Oi! Brian!

ROVER

And walks back, sits back at the counter, legs go back up onto the counter. And they just go:

ROVER [as GOBLIN]

Ah, just, give it a moment. Just stay here. It'll be fine. So what's your name again, sorry?

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Corwin. My name is Corwin Duvall. I—

ROVER [as GOBLIN]

Corwin Duvall? Alright.

ROVER

They start to write something down on a piece of paper.

ROVER [as GOBLIN]

Just, just hold on. You can go...stand here, or wherever. I really could not care.

ELIZABETH

Corwin goes and stands kind of awkwardly against the wall—not in a corner, but also not in the way. She's finding a space that's just slightly out the way.

ROVER

As she's been waiting for a while, you can still see some people passing. Some people give you immediate looks—they immediately know that you are not fully equipped yet. They can see that you do not have any of their signature weaponry or the symbols. Give me a Perception check, actually.

ELIZABETH

First roll of the game!

ROVER

First roll of the game!

First roll of the game! Better be a 1!

ELIZABETH

Oh, we've got a +0 to Perception my friends.

[Heavy thunk of dice]

Good.

ELIZABETH

That is an 8.

[Jo absolutely loses it laughing]

ANNIE

Excellent.

ROVER

Wonderful.

Amazing.

ANNIE

Begin as you mean to go on.

MIRA

You're doing great, sweetie!

[All cracking up]

ELIZABETH

That is par for the course (laughs). Corwin...she's distracted. She's in a new environment. She really likes this goblin's hair.

[Rover laughing]

ROVER

Yeah, so, what you can see is, the people that are staring at you...you do not really know what they are staring at. It could be the fact that you are very much new here. It could be the fact that your hair is incredibly bright, and they're used to this goblin wearing all kinds of—or, wearing, having their hair dyed in all the same colors. They are very much not used to someone with pink bubblegum hair walking around with a big ass halberd. Who clearly does not seem to fit in yet.

And as you wait for a moment, you can at some point feel a tap on the shoulder from this kind of tall, I do not know what it is in feet, I do not have that open, about 175cm tall Orc. Looks like could be a monk. And he taps you on the shoulder and is like,

ROVER [as ORC]

Corwin Duvall?

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Ah—Yes. Yes. Are you Brian?

ROVER [as BRIAN]

Yes. Come with me.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Lovely to meet you.

ROVER [as BRIAN]

I'm sure you're new here, I suppose?

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Uh, yes, as it happens.

ROVER [as BRIAN]

Alright. (Quietly) This is going to be a fun one.

ROVER

And he just does a little point of like, follow along. And as you guys walk further throughout the space, there is this very small door. And by very small door, I mean, in a corner. It's not small, as in size. It is just in a corner while everything around it is filled with bars, inns, stuff like that.

And Brian knocks on it, and is just saying,

[Knocking]

ROVER [as BRIAN]

Safra. New guy. C'mon. Open up.

ROVER

There's just two knocks.

[Knock knock]

No door opens. At some point, Brian grabs the doorknob, twists it. And as he opens the door, there is a knife immediately thrown past, right into the wall next to your head.

And behind a kind of small desk is a Drow, a Drow with pure silver-white, long hair in a ponytail. And female. She sits there kind of cross-legged, scraping her daggers.

[Ominous scraping of metal on metal]

Around the entire room, you can kind of see all kinds of missing peoples posters, wanted posters. Some are wanted alive, some are wanted dead. And she is just looking at you, and is like,

ROVER [as SAFRA]

(Sarcastically) Great. What? I'm busy. Can't you see? Who are you?

ELIZABETH

Corwin grabs the knife out of the wall and walks up and hands it politely, or puts it politely on Safra's desk.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

(Stammering) Uh, I'm—my name is Corwin. Corwin Duvall? I'm here to join the Bounty Hunters.

ROVER

She looks at you with a bit of a raised eye, or raised eyebrow, and looks over at Brian. Brain seems to just shrug a bit and then leaves the room.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

You-you ought to be more, you know, careful with where you put the daggers. It's a bit of a hazard. I mean, I imagine your dagger fund is hefty, if you keep, you know, losing them in walls.

ROVER

She's going to do an insight check on you. (Laughs)

ELIZABETH

(Laughing) That's probably for the best.

[Dice ASMR]

ROVER

So that is a 14. Can you kind of explain the way Corwin is looking at this kind of annoyed-looking woman?

ELIZABETH

Yes, absolutely. So, Corwin is...she's looking at Safra very curiously. She doesn't seem particularly intimidated. She more seems like, so incredibly eager to please and so incredibly desirous of this going well, that she is putting her entire heart and soul into making sure this goes as well as possible, which is kind of oozing out of her as this vague, nervous energy.

ROVER

So, she raises another eyebrow, and at some point...just both of her eyebrows now raising, like,

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Alright. Sit down. This is...okay. Sit down.

ROVER

She takes a dagger. And then, instead of keeping it, putting it in a drawer, she throws it at the wall again. And it sticks there.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

So.

ROVER

I assume you sit down?

ELIZABETH

Yes. Corwin sits down. The halberd is really quite tall, she holds it, and it's kind of listing awkwardly over her. She doesn't…she doesn’t really know what to do with it.

ROVER

She kind of scans the halberd. And you said that there are marks on the halberd, right?

ELIZABETH

There are. In fact, there are 22 marks along the shaft.

ROVER

Would Safra be able to, kind of, notice that from the start?

ELIZABETH

I think so. I assume since Safra is the head of the Bounty Hunters, that she's very observant. So it seems like it would track that she would notice that.

ROVER

She kind of looks upon it, and then is just like,

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Alright. A...bubblegum princess that kills people, I assume.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

[Sighs] Quite an assumption to make. I mean, maybe I'm just keeping track of the days? Or...

ROVER [as SAFRA]

You have not had...you're not telling me that you've had this halberd for 22 days.

[Jo laughs]

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Well, I'm not...not telling you that?

ELIZABETH

She kind of shifts uncomfortably and looks down, and rubs her finger over the marks.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Maybe, ah...if it were people who—if it were people that I've killed, would that be a pro or a con in this job interview?

[Laughter]

Good question, good question. (Snaps) Let's go Corwin.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Have you ever noticed the actual signs that are displayed along the entire room?

ELIZABETH

Corwin looks at the signs. What are the signs?

Death! Danger!

[Laughter]

ROVER

There is a literal sign on…inscripted in her desk, which has definitely been carved in with a knife. And it says, "Death is a risk you can avoid."

Slay.

ROVER

She once again frowns, like,

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Alright. Alright sweetheart. You're gonna have to...explain to me what you're doing here. Because I'm pretty sure you do not know that you are in the bounty hunters sector, right?

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Well—

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Are you sure you're at the right place?

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

As a matter of fact, I am. I...well, I've really quite recently found myself out of a, out of a job. And, I mean, I've heard the news, I've heard the news on the radio—all of those missing people. I...I have the skills to be able to help, and I want to help. And...they say that you're the best. So here I am.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Well, they are right. Brian?

ROVER

And without a second, the door opens again, and Brian seems to be standing there, the Orc. And he's just like,

ROVER [as BRIAN]

Yes?

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Get me...hmmm, who should I get for the job? Get Josie, Viktor. Get them in here, okay?

ROVER [as BRIAN]

Got it.

ROVER

Closes the door, and seems to be gone.

We pan over to a Tiefling. And before I go into that, can...Annie, can you please describe your character for us, and also where they are in that moment?

ANNIE

Yes. So, my character is Josie, an Infernal Tiefling. She is also about 6ft tall. She has orange skin that is covered in all kinds of scars and tattoos and things, but they're all quite regular. They all have patterns. No one knows the significance of them, but they are perceptible when you look at her.

She has a shock of close-cropped white hair, just long enough to be described as "shaggy," and bangs that are held in place by two thick horns out of the top of her forehead—not very large, like, not very long ones. She is dressed in sort of an open leather, studded leather vest type outfit. And she has one eye, her right eye, that is permanently black all the way around...the entire eye, the pupil, the color, the whole eye. All black, no white, no nothing.

And in the moment, I would say she is probably in a tavern or inn of some kind, just carousing and trying to enjoy some time off while she has it.

ROVER

Wonderful. Would this probably be...there is in the bounty hunter sector, there is a specific inn called Don't Go Inn, where there is a—

[Annie and Rover laugh]

Wonderful naming! There is basically...all the rooms that are in the Don't Go Inn are specifically rented for the bounty hunters, where they can just stay if they want to. The bounty hunter sector's completely made for everyone and everything that you could need there.

ANNIE

Yes.

ROVER

There's all kinds of shops. There's all kinds of inns. There's all kinds of bars. There is a weapon fixery, blah blah blah. Would she be found in the bar that is in that inn? Or would she normally go out to other kinds of bars?

ANNIE

Probably in that inn. I would say that you're very rarely going to find Josie anywhere that is not strictly around the Bounty Hunter territory unless she's out working, and will keep to the same locations, the same people...not necessarily the same routines, but not a lot of variety in what she's doing with her free time. So she'll be out in that bar just having a beer and keeping to herself.

ROVER

So behind that bar, there is this pink Tiefling who seems to be kind of fixing the order of all the wine bottles on the shelves.

[Faint clinking of glassware]

And she is rambling to you about nonsense. She could be rambling about a specific wine that she got in Italy; it could be something that she did the weekend. It all kind of blends in. You know that her name is Teresa, and she at some point just turns to you and is like,

ROVER [as TERESA]

Okay, so what do you think about that?

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Teresa, you know that I could listen to you talk for days and days and days at a time. My feelings about whatever you're saying are your feelings about them. We can keep it that way. You talk, I listen.

ROVER [as TERESA]

Great! This is why you are my favorite customer!

ROVER

And she at some point just leans forward and is like,

ROVER [as TERESA]

It's empty here. I wish people stayed here. I'm doing a really, really good job, and trying to keep the place nice—

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

You are.

ROVER [as TERESA]

—and clean for everyone.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Mmhmm.

ROVER [as TERESA]

(Sighs)

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Well, you know I love it here. So, I...if I were a more sociable person, I would be bringing others here all the time. But, hey, you got me.

ROVER [as TERESA]

(Sighing) Oh, and I'm very, very glad I do. This has been...the last few days have been an absolute nightmare. Oh, I'm telling you, and it’s—

ROVER

And before she can continue, the door opens, and you can see your good old friend Brian walk in, and be like,

ROVER [as BRIAN]

Teresa, give me at least one beer. Maybe two. Maybe three, who knows.

ROVER

And he sits down next to you and is like,

ROVER [as BRIAN]

Alright, there is a new job for you. A different one than you are probably ready for.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Hi to you too, Brian. What do you got?

ROVER [as BRIAN]

So, we got a newbie.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Mmmm?

ROVER [as BRIAN]

Safra would describe her as, um, "bubblegum princess"?

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

I'm listening.

ROVER [as BRIAN]

She has...no idea what she's doing, I can already tell.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Hmm, okay.

ROVER

And Teresa sets her glasses in front of Brian, and mumbles,

ROVER [as TERESA]

Just keep it on the house, okay? Like, this is a treat from me.

ROVER

And Brian just mumbles,

ROVER [as BRIAN]

Yeah, yeah, we're all good.

ROVER

He does not do any eye contact.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Teresa, that's not how you make any money.

ROVER [as TERESA]

I try, okay? I need to make sure that people come back!

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Alright, alright.

ROVER [as TERESA]

(Sighing) It's fine.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Fair enough.

ROVER

She turns around and starts polishing glasses that she's definitely already polished before.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Alright Brian. How quick do you think this one's gonna burn out, compared to the last one?

ROVER [as BRIAN]

I...(sighs). Do you want to bet on it?

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Well that depends on the line. What's the over/under? Let's hear it.

ROVER [as BRIAN]

So from what I know, Teresa might be assigning this one for another missing peoples case. Which...I'm sure it's the right start for her, but I'm not sure if she'll be able to stay for at least longer than three days. I don't know what Safra's got planned for her. She will need guidance, like so much guidance.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Mmhmm. I'll take the over on 3 days. I might have taken the under on a week. But I can keep anyone around for at least 3 days, I feel like.

ROVER [as BRIAN]

Wonderful. Right, can you...once you're done with your drink...I'm, I'm tired. Can you get...can you get Viktor? I'm sure they are—

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Yeah, right, always sending me on your errands. Sure, why not?

ROVER [as BRIAN]

Yes, of course I am. Just—let me have a drink.

ANNIE

And she picks up her glass and drains it.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Enjoy the rest.

ROVER [as BRIAN]

Will do.

ANNIE

And I'll head out to go look for Viktor.

ROVER

Wonderful. Then we pan over to a different bar. A bar that should be closed around that time. However right now, that door is completely open. Not completely open in the sense of, it has been opened, you know, normally. No, there most likely has been an axe in there.

It is completely quiet except for one gnome sitting at the bar. Viktor, who we will get to in a moment, has gotten a letter at their residence saying, "Need you now. Come to the bar. Urd." Plain and simple.

So, Jo, how would you describe your character for us?

So since Viktor—Viktor Valthayne, by the way, any pronouns—is expecting to be working, they would definitely be in working gear. Which means we are currently looking at a...about 6ft tall, female-presenting person with curvy hips, tanned skin, a beauty mark under her left eye, and a pinkish lipstick, sporting what I would describe as the blandest bounty hunter clothes you could imagine. Like take all your fantasy knowledge about fancy armor and throw it in the bin.

This lady has a chipped and scratched breastplate over incredibly plain, black and gray woolen clothes. They are loose-fitting, so her pants are tucked into her very worn out leather boots. It's color-coded in corporate-suit-but-dusty, I guess?

[Laughter]

And what stands out about her is her very long, silver-gray hair that reaches up to, like, her midriff, and her lilac eyes with slitted pupils. The rest of her...the vibe is human. She's wearing very little jewelry—(sigh). I can say the word. She's wearing very little jewelry. There's like a little earcuff piece behind her, I think it's her left ear, where she also keeps her hair tucked behind. And a bland-looking golden...what's the word? Is it a bracelet?

ELIZABETH

Or cuff?

MIRA

You mean a cuff?

If you have a ring on your arm?

A cuff, maybe?

It's like a cuff, right?

ROVER

Mmhmm.

We as a team have decided it's a cuff.

[Laughter]

ELIZABETH

Teamwork!

MIRA

Joint effort!

Also very importantly, as she's, like, doing the hair flips because she's, you know, she knows she's looking good, you can see on her left hand—and it's only on her left hand—her fingernails are severely discolored with...it looks a bit like her hand was repeatedly in contact with black ink. Like if you ever had an accident with your fountain pen, you will know. It's all over her fingernails, very slightly reaching to the first...to like the tips of her...to the first knuckle on her fingers.

And yeah, I feel like she's...she's walking with confidence, let's say.

ROVER

So she's walking with confidence towards this bar called The Dead Man's Bounty—a familiar place for Viktor...

Oh, yeah.

ROVER

...where Viktor goes a lot to get a drink with their best friend Urd. Speaking of that, from the very much knocked open door, you can indeed see this gnome in full armor with a giant axe, way too big for what a gnome should actually be carrying.

You can tell by, like, so far that this guy is a barbarian. What we can see is...he has, half of his left ear is gone. And he seems to be tapping something on the side of the bar. You can't really determine—actually, give me a Perception check. Because we have rolls.

As I do that, I feel like the first thing Viktor actually clocks is the technique by which this door was opened. And just quietly to himself, goes like,

JO [as VIKTOR]

Oh, for fuck's sake, we've been over this. There's ways to stealthily open doors, and this is not the way.

[Lovely dice thunk]

(snorts) I rolled a 1 on my Perception check, by the way.

ANNIE

Let's go!

[Laughter]

Yes!

ELIZABETH

Incredible, first 1 of the campaign.

Yeah, glad to be here.

ROVER

I love this group. I love this group already.

[Laughter]

MIRA

I love how it happened twice, when you guys are trying to get under my skin, but it's cautiously, not stealthily.

[Laughter]

ANNIE

Yeah! Not stealthily. Cautiously. Carefully.

ROVER

It's cautiously.

So, dear DM. What do I not perceive?

ANNIE

(Laughing) Anything!

(Laughing) Where's the door?

ROVER

What you can perceive is that Urd seems to be really, really focused. Like, he has something in his hand, and he seems very, very focused on this item. And has definitely not noticed that you are already there.

I think...from an outside perspective, there is something crossing Viktor's face that I can only call mischief. Like he's...they're very briefly thinking about pranking Urd, then thinking better of it because it's like, I don't know, somewhere early in the morning, I think you said? Something like that?

ROVER

It's like mid-afternoon currently.

Oh, like mid-afternoon—which is early by his perspective, I feel like. So, he's going to be like,

JO [as VIKTOR]

God, okay, don't want...don't want to annoy him now.

And I think he's just standing there being like,

JO [as VIKTOR]

(Clears throat) Urd?

ROVER [as URD]

Yeah, what do you want?

JO [as VIKTOR]

What I want? I mean, you left your little love letter on my door?

ROVER [as URD]

Okay? Sit down then. We don't really have time for this.

JO [as VIKTOR]

I...you know, the door is...?

ROVER [as URD]

Sit. Down!

JO [as VIKTOR]

Okay, I'm sitting, I'm sitting. Chill.

ROVER [as URD]

Thank you!

He's sitting down, immediately putting feet on the table.

[Laughter]

ROVER

So Urd seems to be tinkering with...seems to be this kind of figurine-looking thing? The NPC's name is Urd, so U-R-D. And he holds this figurine and, before mentioning anything, just grabs Viktor's wrist, puts the figurine in their hand.

Oh! Left hand or right hand? This is important.

ROVER

Right hand.

Okay, good. Then he's not going to flip out on him.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Like, (mumbles)...Use your words. What's that about?

ROVER [as URD]

No.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Oh, ok.

ROVER [as URD]

So I found this. And I know that you have, like, your knowledge—I found a book, by the way, which I got here with me.

JO [as VIKTOR]

I thought you're scared of books?

ROVER [as URD]

I mean, I am, but—I don't know, what was this...it was a weird book.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Remember that one time where I told you that books don't bite, and then the book was enchanted, and it actually bit you? That was really fucking funny. Anyways, what's this? Can I...? Is...?

ROVER [as URD]

I will kill you.

JO [as VIKTOR]

You keep saying that, sweetheart, and yet...it's not happened yet. Has it?

ROVER [as URD]

Not yet. So. I found this. It...I don't...it scares me. Have it. It scares me.

ROVER

In your hand is a figurine of a black ram. Can you give me a Religion check?

A figurine of a what?

ROVER

A black ram.

Like the animal?

ROVER

The animal. The animal, yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, ok.

[Satisfying dice thunk]

By the way, for anyone listening and not knowing DnD, all the checks we're rolling right now is determined by d20 rolls, and then we check our...I do have my character sheet somewhere. Give me a second.

[Annie laughs]

Oh my god! Ok. Religion. I rolled a mere 11, and I get, on Religion, a +3. 11 plus 3 is 14.

MIRA

Yay! (Claps)

ROVER

Okay.

ELIZABETH

Good job!

This feels so anticlimactic because it would have been cooler if the number actually ended up being higher. But yeah. Sorry. (Laughing)

ANNIE

(Laughing) Or lower.

ROVER

Can you also give me an Arcana check?

Oh my god, so many checks. Viktor, Viktor is like, if you ever watched Doctor Who, where, like, all the random words are floating in front of Benedict Cumberwumble...that's what he does whenever he enters a room.

Um, Arcana...

ROVER

(Laughing) You want to say that again?

Comberwomble!

ANNIE

Doctor Who??

MIRA

Why did you...? Benedict in Doctor Who??

I'm sorry!

ELIZABETH

David Tennant?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, not Doctor Who! I misspoke. I mean Sherlock.

[Laughter]

My Arcana is 19.

MIRA

(Quietly, laughing) Cumberbumble.

[Laughter]

ROVER

Your Arcana's 19, and your Religion is 14. Lovely. This is...I'm looking into the wrong files, it's fine.

Ha! Ha! It's not, ah! It's not just me!

ELIZABETH

ROVER

MIRA

It's the Google!

ANNIE

MIRA

It's the Google. Ok. I'm holding this figurine. I'm actually holding something. It's very squishy.

MIRA

Very immersive.

Thank you. It helps. Props are great. I once had a banana as a prop, because Ro gave my character a gun, and I was threatening an NPC.

MIRA

That's a very good replacement!

ELIZABETH

Don't drop the banana!

ROVER

So what you can tell from this figurine is: black rams, the animal, are associated with the god Hades, which you know have not really been active for the past, say, 30-ish, 30-40 years. And with your Arcana check, with the 19, you can kind of see that there is a transmutation magic kind of forming around the figurine. And sometimes you kind of see a light coming from inside, as well.

I shake it.

ROVER

You can hear nothing rattling inside it, no.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Well, where did you get that?

ROVER [as URD]

So there was this, this very old abandoned magic shop. It seemed to just...

JO [as VIKTOR]

Urd, not again!

ROVER [as URD]

Listen, it looks interesting.

JO [as VIKTOR]

We talked about this. If you pick up random items, they might be cursed. And you don't put random items in my hand.

I just put it on the table.

ROVER [as URD]

Listen, I don't know what it is.

ROVER

At this point, by the way, we can see Josie also coming towards the bar. So currently, Josie, what you can see is still the door that is on the floor, broken out of its mind. And this small barbarian gnome with Viktor, sitting at the bar.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Oi, Vik, what'd you do to the door?

I look...speechless from Josie to Urd, and be like,

JO [as VIKTOR]

Do I look like the person with the axe? Very funny.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Lighten up and take a joke. C'mon. We've got some...Safra's got fresh blood for us. So, whenever you're wrapped up in here.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Oh! A newbie? Wait, hang on—

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Yeah.

JO [as VIKTOR]

The newbie is still alive?

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

For now—ah, different newbie than the previous one, in case you're wondering.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Ah! Oh...oh.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Yeah.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Oh. Oh! Well—

I look to Urd.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Is that everything you have about that?

ROVER [as URD]

Not really, but I—I still have a random book. I can leave it at your door, if you want?

JO [as VIKTOR]

Book. Please. Now.

ROVER [as URD]

I thought you were busy?

JO [as VIKTOR]

Never too busy for a book. Book please, now.

ROVER [as URD]

Okay, whatever.

ANNIE

Josie rolls her eyes.

[Jo laughs]

ROVER

So, from this bag that he has hung over his shoulders, he pulls it out, and he pulls out this very nonsense book about how to kind of make gold jewelry. And he just hands it, and is like,

ROVER [as URD]

I don't know. Maybe you're interested?

JO [as VIKTOR]

Trying to pick up a hobby?

ROVER [as URD]

You like everything.

JO [as VIKTOR]

I do like everything.

I grab the figurine and the book. I also just realized I forgot to describe some things, but they may come up. I'm, for now, going to rule that Viktor is just having a coat that is obscuring a lot of things he is also wearing (laughs).

[Laughter]

I just slip it under my coat. It goes somewhere; you don't know where.

ROVER

Urd throws up his hands and is just like,

ROVER [as URD]

Alright. Head out. I, I, I’ll stay here then—

JO [as VIKTOR]

Oh oh oh! Before you head out, I'm not going to explain what happens to the door again. You are gonna stand up for your mistakes.

ROVER [as URD]

Ah, Roddric doesn't really have to...find out.

JO [as VIKTOR]

I—he will. He will, and you know that. And I'm not going to let him threaten again to take my finger for it. So, you've got this.

ROVER [as URD]

Oh...it's, it's fine, I've got this.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Josie, let's just, let's just—

ROVER

He kind of grips the axe.

I already am halfway out the door, like,

JO [as VIKTOR]

(Muffled, like out of the corner of their mouth) Josie let's go, please.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Alright Urd, see you next time.

[Faint sounds of people talking, the bustle of life. Over it all is an odd, resonant chime.]

ROVER

From the figurine in your hand, you can feel it kind of, like, actively start to vibrate slightly, and the light that was shining into it kind of seems to pulse a bit more.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Hey, Josie? Uh, do you know anything about small, vibrating objects?

[Everyone loses it]

ANNIE

Josie kind of makes the noise that I just made (laughs).

Viktor's being serious about that!

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Afraid you're going to have to be a little bit more specific on that one, Viktor?

I hold up the figurine.

JO [as VIKTOR]

This. It's vibrating. I know, I know, I shouldn't touch things Urd found somewhere, but here we are.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Mmhm. Usually a safe policy, yeah, but let me see it. Let me see.

ANNIE

What do I—

You should touch it, too.

ANNIE

Anything else I can glean about it, other than...? I'm not gonna touch it yet, but—

Fuck!

ROVER

Can you also give me a Religion check and an Arcana check?

ANNIE

Yeah. Sure! Alright.

[Good dice noises]

Into the dice tower. Religion, I got 12. And then Arcana, 8. So probably not.

ROVER

Okay. So, yeah no, you can't really determine what kind of magic is around it. However you can definitely determine that this has something to do associated with Hades.

ANNIE

Sure. Probably just be like,

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Yeah okay. Black ram, old Hades stuff. Probably worth something considering how rare those are now, but uh, don't know what's up with it.

JO [as VIKTOR]

(Makes the I-dunno noise) Maybe it's a little trinket?

I just kind of dangle it in front of me. I assume we're walking wherever we are walking to.

[Crowd noises continue in the background]

ANNIE

Yeah. Yeah walking to Safra's.

Viktor just walked out of the pub being like, “Nah nah, you know what Urd, I'm not going to fucking explain that to the bar owner again.”

[Annie laughs]

(Laughing) “You got this.” She's like dangling it in front of her, being like, sssssss.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Clip it to your belt, maybe? It's a nice decoration. Kind of tells people not to fuck with you if you've got some Hades merch.

JO [as VIKTOR]

No—I—No—My belt, it's...I don't...if that interferes with the other stuff—

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

You know what I mean.

And like, she kind of pulls back her cloak, so that I can finally describe the rest of the shit and never have to do that again.

[Annie laughs]

I might mix up the sides. On her left side is a...strapped to her belt is a rapier that is made from a metal that is essentially swallowing light. Like, describing it as black metal (haha) wouldn't quite cut it because it is like the...I forgot the name of the color that is like so black that it actually absorbs light.

ANNIE

Vantablack.

ELIZABETH

Vantablack.

Vantablack. Like that! Very cool, very...not shiny, but you know what I mean. On the other side, clipped to the belt is—which is also just a very boring leather belt, I'm not going to bother describing that one—is a contraption that is holding a book. It's about A4-size, or a little smaller. That seems to be made out of a...well it once might have even had color other than dusty black, but it looks super old, very faded. There is no text on the book cover, nothing. Even the pages look black. It does not absorb the light quite as much as the metal, but it's getting there.

Yeah. Like, very much pointing out as, “I have magic items, I don't want another magic item touching my other magic items!”

[Laughter]

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Well, I don't know what you want me to do with it. You're the one who grabbed it from Urd. I’m not messing with it.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Ok I'm...I'm already regretting my choices.

ROVER

So as you guys are walking towards Safra's office, Brian is already there, again, with two of the beers.

[Laughter]

With a Stanley cup full of beer!

ROVER

Yep!

ANNIE

Yeah!

ELIZABETH

Just double-fisting.

ROVER

He's got two...he's got them both holding them in one hand. And he nods to both Josie and Viktor. He's like,

ROVER [as BRIAN]

Good. Ready? Cause this is going to be...also, Viktor, be prepared. This might be um...an interesting one.

JO [as VIKTOR]

You said that about the last one. And the one before. The most interesting part was that...ok, I mean, the last one was...the interesting part was finding all the bits. But...(sighs)

ROVER

Brian, without any kind of smile or change of look on his face, just nods, opens the door. And what you can see immediately is Safra, the most confused she has ever looked in her life.

Oh, Viktor is going to fucking grin at that shit! Like, “Oooh, ok, that type of interesting.”

ROVER

And from the back...I don't know if Corwin would immediately look over with the door opening?

ELIZABETH

She would probably finish whatever sentence she was in the middle of. So she might have been,

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

...well, and, and you know, healing! I mean, healing potions are so expensive these days, and I can heal so, you know, definitely a plus. You know, ease out on your expense reports.

ELIZABETH

And then she would turn and look over your shoulder and see who had come in.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Huh.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Oh, hi. Are, are—is this part of the interview? Are you part of the bounty hunters? I'm, I'm joining up. First day!

JO [as VIKTOR]

Oooh.

I nudge Josie a little bit with my elbow.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Tell me you bet on her.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

(Whispering) I took the over. I didn't know.

JO [as VIKTOR]

(Whispering) Goddamit. Every fucking— (Normal voice) Yeah. Yeah. Bounty hunter through and through.

ROVER

I'm going to see if Safra would immediately notice that there is a glowing, black figurine in someone's hand.

(Laughing) I thought you were about to roll whether just, one of Safra's veins pops. Like, URRGH.

ANNIE

(Laughing) The relaxation vein!

ROVER

(Laughing) I mean! Okay, so if we do that one first—

MIRA

It went from, "I can heal for free" to "You need it for free!"

[Laughing]

ROVER

It does not pop yet.

Oh great.

ROVER

However...

She's sturdy.

ELIZABETH

Safra hires Corwin solely to get her out of her office faster.

ANNIE

Mmhmm. Mmhmm.

Yes!

ROVER

She does not notice. She's incredibly confused. Which is new for our boss. And she kind of rubs her forehead and looks up to Josie and Viktor, and is like,

ROVER [as SAFRA]

This is...your new job? I suppose—sit, sit down, stand up, do whatever you want. Come here. Close the door. Brian, get in here.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Oooooh. Oh now I know what you mean about interesting.

To Brian.

ANNIE

Josie's going to be leaning up against the wall near the door, and reach out to Brian for one of the cups that he has.

ROVER

Brian hands it over immediately. Does not even look up. Brian is not very good at eye contact. I'm making that very clear.

Brian is on the spectrum.

ANNIE

I was going to say, Autistic king.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry everyone.

ROVER

Yes! Brian is my OC, ok? It makes sense.

Yeah, yeah. For everyone not knowing, I'm making that joke because, like, there's so much neurodivergence in this chat right now.

ANNIE

Mmhmm, mmhmm.

ROVER

Yup!

Okay, Viktor is going to sit. But canonically, whenever she's sitting anywhere, boots go up on the table. So, she be sitting there at Safra's desk. And I feel like that's not the very first time this has happened. Like, boots up on the table. The widest fucking grin on her face. Holding that slightly glowing, slightly vibrating object. And just looks from Safra to Corwin and back.

ROVER

So...Safra suppresses the urge to stab Viktor, first of all.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Viktor notices.

[Laughter]

MIRA

Touché.

ROVER

And she...she just mumbles,

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Alright. Um...Corwin? Your supervisors: Viktor—

JO [as VIKTOR]

Hello.

ROVER

As she points with her hand to Viktor. And she points to Josie,

ROVER [as SAFRA]

And Josie.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Lovely to meet you both. Nice...

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Supervisor's a new one, Safra.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Listen, I need you guys to get her out.

[Everyone absolutely loses it]

With all due respect, obviously. But...

MIRA

Take her out the back.

Your face, Ro!

[Laughter]

Go into the woods, take the shotgun...

ELIZABETH

Corwin: Annoying her way into jobs since 19-something-something.

I mean...

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Not, not—no, not killing her. Not immediately.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Thanks for that.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Not immediately. Yeah no worries.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Did she throw a dagger at you? She does that a lot, you know.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

She did, but she missed. So, you know.

JO [as VIKTOR]

She does that a lot as well.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Much of a muchness, really.

JO [as VIKTOR]

So...any nice team-bonding exercises there, boss? Or...

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

What's the contract, Safra?

[Resonant chiming begins]

ROVER

The figurine in your hand starts actively pulsing, while the light is actually coming through the gaps of your fingers.

Ah.

ROVER

And Safra frowns, and is like,

ROVER [as SAFRA]

What did you bring into my office?

JO [as VIKTOR]

Well, it's not a dead mouse this time.

I gingerly put it on the table. (Laughs) On her table.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Is there something inside of that?

JO [as VIKTOR]

Well, it wasn't rattling. I was shaking it pretty hard. It has something to do—

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Brian?

ROVER

Brian immediately walks over. He stands, does his hand in a fist, slams the figurine onto the desk, broken. Out of the figurine seems to come up this almost flame-looking, blue, pulsing light.

[The chiming grows louder and more intense]

Ah.

ANNIE

Ah.

ROVER

And that seems to have kind of slight black parts through it, like black flames, slightly, just a little bit flowing through it.

[The chiming swells]

Until Safra grabs one of her daggers at a shadow forming in the very, very middle of that. A humanoid shadow, sitting on the desk. And can Mira please describe what her character looks like.

MIRA

I will take some liberties at the huzzah that just happened, if that's okay. So, you're starting to see a bit more of a concrete shape of an average-size humanoid figure who, whilst it's still slightly obscured, it kind of slams on the table, probably knocking over some stuff that was on there.

And as the shadow disperses itself, you see a head hanging down, not facing you at all, with a soft, ash-brown, medium-length hair. The body that you're now starting to see a bit better...the top part is draped in like an off-white linen shirt, quite simple. Fine, but simple-made. Close-fit black trousers. A woven belt. No weapons that you can see. No adornments. No jewelry that you can spot straight away. Interestingly, no footwear or cloak or gloves.

And as that figure slumps, she...I would say she would be facing Safra.

ROVER

Oh, she is facing Safra with a knife to her throat.

MIRA

Right, I'm just trying to imagine the positioning now.

We all do.

[Laugher]

I'm sorry!

ROVER

Sat on the desk is...with her knees to her chest, is sat Una. And yeah. Safra has her knife immediately around, ready to just stab the moment she has to.

Brian, in the room, is already standing ready, fists out, battle ready.

MIRA

Okay. Who would be in front of my character?

ROVER

Safra.

MIRA

Safra.

ROVER

Yeah.

MIRA

You would see...you still can't see her face, cause she's slumping down. As she comes to it, it's a very quick flick up of the face, and you do see a dagger appearing in the hand, just going...just going straight for the stomach.

ROVER

Ooooh! Straight for the stomach?

MIRA

Straight for the stomach.

ROVER

Do you want to immediately make an attack on that?

MIRA

Yeah, I will do that. I will do that.

ROVER

Go for it.

MIRA

Just...

[Dice thunks]

(Sighs) Oooooh.... (Chuckling) Ohhhh.

ROVER

Uh-oh.

Oh no.

ROVER

Are you killing my love?

Oh no.

MIRA

No.

ROVER

My lovely? My lovely OC?

MIRA

So that would have been...so that...I rolled for the attack, and that would be with this...So that would be an 18 to hit.

ROVER

That hits because you are very much in Safra's safe space. So yes, that hits.

MIRA

So it's very much, what you hear is just someone, like, there was no sound coming from the person. It was just a sudden (sharp inhale), and then just like, stab. Just absolute chaos.

And she doesn't move. As soon as she realizes it makes contact, she just stays there. And then looks up. And you see that she has, I would say, striking amber eyes. Her facial features are rather...they are fine features, but she doesn't have a very delicate-looking face. Rather pale, almost ashen-colored right now. And completely stricken with sweat or some kind of moisture. Like, the hair's clinging to her face, like she looks ragged. Like her facial expression's showing you that she's not well right now. Panic in her eyes, just trying to understand what just happened.

ROVER

As you stab the woman that was never supposed to be stabbed—very, very honest...it's amazing. She gasps for a moment, like, (gasps), grabs your wrist, looks up, and is just like,

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Oh, I like you.

ROVER

And she pulls the dagger away from her stomach again. And is like,

ROVER [as SAFRA]

(Strained) Alright. Brian?

ROVER

Brian comes over and lays a hand on her stomach, and you can see that the healing magic immediately, kind of, fixes up that wound.

MIRA

There—

ROVER

Yes?

MIRA

There would be no wound.

ROVER

(Intrigued) There would be no wound?

MIRA

There would be no wound.

[Jo gasps! His gasp speaks for all of us, I think]

As soon as the dagger appeared and it made contact, she moved her hand out, I would look at my hand, and just let it disappear. But there would be no...there would be a cut in the fabric. But there would be no wound.

ROVER

Ooooh. Okay, then retract that! Brian is about to do healing magic, and just looks up and is like,

ROVER [as BRIAN]

Nothing.

ROVER

And she...her grin spreads over her face. And immediately like,

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Huh. So...supervisor number 3, I see.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Uh—hey hey hey hey hey hey. This is how you become supervisor? I would have stabbed you 10 months ago.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Oh, shut up Viktor. You don't know how to stab.

JO [as VIKTOR]

You never saw me stab.

He winks.

ROVER

So...

He winks like a guy who's like, I need to have the last word in this conversation.

ANNIE

Oh my god.

[Laughter]

ROVER

She actively rolls her eyes...

Yeah.

ROVER

...takes the dagger away from her throat, by the way, and leans back. And is like,

ROVER [as SAFRA]

So...who are you?

MIRA [as UNA]

Uh...

ROVER [as SAFRA]

And what are you doing in a...ah. What were you doing in a figurine?

MIRA [as UNA]

No...that's, that's my question. Who are you? Where am I?

ROVER

As you look around, you can see...

MIRA

She just stumbles off the...

ROVER

(Laughs) Stumbles off the table!

MIRA

Yeah just like (chaotic stumbling sound effects)

Face down.

[Laughter]

ANNIE

(Laughing) Ga-fwa!

ROVER

At this point, you cannot...(laughing)...you cannot recognize the people around you. You do not recognize the sentence on the desk. You do not recognize anything of the room that you are in, nor the location.

And, yeah, you can see...currently you're surrounded by five people staring at you.

Five people, one of them bubblegum pink hair.

ROVER

One of them bubblegum pink.

[Laughter]

ROVER

With weapons at least at their exposure.

Oh, Viktor did not draw any weapon. Viktor is still in the position of, feet up the table. He was like, nah nah nah. I'm going to watch how that plays out. Because he knows he can draw fast if he needs to.

ROVER

Okay, so hold up. You can't see any weapons on Viktor at all, currently.

I mean, now you can. (Whispers) It was more me being like, I need to retcon why, like, when he sits his little cloak will fall back enough to...there's a rapier.

ANNIE

Josie would have grabbed the morning star, but not drawn. Just kind of hand on it, saw that everything stopped after a sec, hand off it.

ELIZABETH

Is Una on the ground? Or is Una standing?

MIRA

She would have slipped off the table to start making distance away from the person she just stabbed (laughs). And just kind of like, stumbled back. Like, you could tell that she's quite weak on her legs. But she's not immediately making a run for it. She's just...whenever someone speaks, her eyes just like, literally just...scanning the situation, still waiting for the reply. But, just observing.

ELIZABETH

Corwin would have immediately leaned her halberd up against the desk and kind of raised her hands in an, I'm not going to hurt you, kind of fashion.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Oh, jesus fucking christ.

ELIZABETH

And she's not going to look—(laughing)

[Laughter]

I'm sorry, I'm sorry! That was Jo and Viktor being like, a pacifist, NOT AGAIN.

[Laughter]

ELIZABETH

How do we keep getting just pacifists?

MIRA

That's why they don't last so long!

[Laughter]

The last one we found in bits! It took days to find the left arm!

MIRA

I think, "Oh for fuck's sake" needs to be in the edit though!

Yeah, yeah, it's going to be in there! I'm sorry, like that was...(laughing) Viktor's reaction to that!

ROVER

Absolutely.

ELIZABETH

(Laughing) Incredible. Incredible, yes. Corwin is gonna kind of, like, half roll her eyes at you, Vik, and then just say,

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Are you...okay? Are you alright? Do you need anything?

ELIZABETH

To Una.

MIRA [as UNA]

Oh, I guess that...depends on her.

MIRA

And she points to Safra.

MIRA [as UNA]

Clearly you are running the operation down here, and I might have just made the biggest mistake of my life, so...

ROVER [as SAFRA]

What is your life? Let me ask that first.

MIRA [as UNA]

Right...uh...erm...

ROVER [as SAFRA]

I assume it's not getting stuck into figurines.

MIRA [as UNA]

I still have not a slightest clue what are you talking about. I don't remember getting here...

ROVER [as SAFRA]

The...the figurine?

MIRA [as UNA]

What figurine?

JO [as VIKTOR]

I'm sorry, she has horrible bedside manners. I'm Viktor.

And I'm going to extend my right arm. Like finally standing up, not being, like the chuff, smug...oh, he's a [indecipherable].

But you know what I mean. Like, finally standing up to you, like extending his right hand, being like,

JO [as VIKTOR]

I'm Viktor. Who are you?

MIRA [as UNA]

I...I think...Una? I think I'm Una.

MIRA

And just, like, gives the hand, but not like a handshake—kind of gives the hand like that. (Mimes holding out her hand palm-down)

He's not going to kiss it. He's like, slowly twisting it into a handshake.

ROVER

I'm going to have to retcon that part. You're going to have to explain how you're giving the hand.

Oh yeah.

ROVER

Because we can see it. Not everyone can.

ANNIE

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

MIRA

Oh sorry! Yeah, so...

ROVER

No worries.

MIRA

Viktor is extending a hand to shake. Una would have extended a hand kind of like...how would you describe it? Like from the top?

ROVER

Daintily, maybe?

ANNIE

Palm down?

MIRA

Like daintily. Like very delicately kind of reaching out and...maybe touch, like, the top fingers. But like, not doing a handshake. But like, touching the fingers then like, awkwardly shaking it, cause she doesn't understand.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Ooooh. Ok, ok. So...you were in a figurine.

It's gone, right? It's like broken apart or whatever?

ROVER

The shards of the figurine, as you look at it, they should still be there. But very, very slowly, they seem to kind of crumble into that blue, blue-ish light.

And as you are now also looking at Una, you can still see the faint shimmers of that blue light kind of in her eyes still.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Okay, so, you were inside that figurine.

Points to the shards that are slowly dissolving.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Obviously through some kind of weird magical nonsense you don't remember? Question mark?

MIRA [as UNA]

I know as much as you do, and I think you know more than me.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Oh. Oh sh....supervisor, huh?

Looking at...looking at fucking Safra. (Laughing)

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Supervisor. Yes.

Oh, I hated that. (Imitating Safra) Supervisor.

[Laughter]

MIRA

(Imitating Safra) Uhm yesss.

(Imitating Safra) Yesss.

ANNIE

(Imitating Safra) Yesss.

(Imitating Safra) Oh my god, you're so crazy!

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Oh but don't...don't get me wrong. Not supervisor for...whatever you are—

JO [as VIKTOR]

Viktor.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

—supervisor to this bubblegum princess.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Oh, yeah, I mean. I would have been the one stabbing you if you gave me a supervisor who we do know nothing—

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Viktor, shut up.

JO [as VIKTOR]

No.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Not the time.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Alright.

MIRA [as UNA]

I am sorry about that. I made sure that there wasn't any further effect on you. I hope that's alright?

JO [as VIKTOR]

I mean, you were vibrating a whole bunch. And glowing.

MIRA [as UNA]

I mean, I know I'm trembling, but is it that apparent?

MIRA

Proper like, you know (laughs).

JO [as VIKTOR]

Hmm, yeah, but I guess that's normal? If you turn from a...do you not remember anything about yourself then?

MIRA [as UNA]

No.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Fascinating. Well...

MIRA [as UNA]

So...Viktor. Bubblegum princess.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

That is my official title.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. (Laughs)

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

My friends do call me Corwin? But, you know, to each his own.

MIRA [as UNA]

Oh! Apologies. Um...and everyone else that's not trying to kill me?

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Josie.

MIRA [as UNA]

Josie.

ROVER

Brian kind of stands more near a corner, just gives a nod. Does not give a name. Does not give any voice.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

That's Brian. He doesn't talk much. You get used to it.

MIRA [as UNA]

Oh, that's fine.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

And the lovely woman that you stabbed is sometimes known as Safra.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Hi.

ROVER

And she does a kind of little wave.

JO [as VIKTOR]

That's also not the name we use, but I will tell you later.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

I tend to stick with Boss Lady. Toes the line between annoying her just enough and ah...not going all the way.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Yeah, I also have a word with 'B'.

MIRA [as UNA]

So if you're a boss, that means you're running an organization. So...

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Yes.

MIRA [as UNA]

...what kind of situation did I find myself in?

ROVER [as SAFRA]

We are the bounty hunter sector, called The Wanted Dead. Heard of us? Pretty sure you should have.

ROVER

Give me the History check.

[Good dice thunks!]

MIRA

I need to zoom in on my character sheet.

I was trying to figure out whether I have Prestidigitation to just spark some fireworks as she's like, doing the whole spiel.

ANNIE

Pew, pew, pew!

But I don't!

MIRA

It's a 12.

ROVER

Okay. So. Bounty hunters: an illegal, kind of, cult...is what a lot of people call it, from what you know. And they've only just been legalized in Greece, where there is a...its own sector. Just made. And people are slowly trying to get bounty hunting to be an actual job. But there seem to be some governmental issues still going on. That is what you know.

MIRA

That's what I know. Yes.

ROVER

You do not recognize the bounty hunter sector named The Wanted Dead. You do not know any of the names in general from the bounty hunter sector that you know in Greece, in Athens.

MIRA

Okay.

MIRA [as UNA]

I don't think I've had the pleasure before today...with your fine establishment.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Wonderful. You can get...you can get immediately started on the job.

MIRA [as UNA]

Okay?

ROVER [as SAFRA]

You seem capable, right? You stab people, stab people good. That's ah...something I did not...did not notice. Or did not forget to notice. Do you know how to fight, in general? Not just sneak attacks?

MIRA [as UNA]

I...I guess.

MIRA

And then she just looks down in her hands, which she herself is noticing that they are quite clearly worn and calloused. And she puts two and two together and goes,

MIRA [as UNA]

I believe I might have some experience with weapons, but, as you can see...I am clearly missing equipment. So...you're very trusting of a new asset. Did anyone ever tell you that?

ROVER [as SAFRA]

I am so trusting. That's what they all tell me. Right, Brian?

ROVER

Brian actually rolls his eyes. But nods.

Yeah!

ANNIE

Josie, at this, finishes...just finishes everything left in the cup and sighs.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

(Sighs)

ROVER

Brian will give you the one, the other one that he was holding—

Amazing.

MIRA

Oh my god.

ROVER

—which there was still something in it. He's like,

ROVER [as BRIAN]

If you want more, you can have...you can have that.

Brian and Josie are just drinking buddies. I love this. I love this for them.

ANNIE

Mmhmm! Yep.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

So...I kind of had a job in mind for our bubblegum princess there. And since we now have three trained killers...or at least people that—

JO [as VIKTOR]

Two and a half. Let's not be too...I mean. Two and a half. Two and a half.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Two and a half. Yeah.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Ehhh, honestly—

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Just to be incredibly clear, the bubblegum princess is also a trained killer.

ELIZABETH

She picks up her halberd and tries to look intimidating.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Ah. Um. Okay.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Sure you are.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Trained...I wouldn't say. However, I have a job for you. As just, you know, a start. An intro to our work. However, it's quite important, which is why this actually works out really, really well.

You guys...sit down, stand up, whatever. Do you want to sit, stand, Una?

MIRA [as UNA]

I think I would probably benefit from sitting down for a minute. Get my bearings.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Alright, cool, just—

Viktor's going to offer his chair.

MIRA [as UNA]

Oh, thank you.

JO [as VIKTOR]

No problem.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

So, as you guys might have noticed along the streets, the noise about the disappearances have been going quite high. We are currently looking for (sighs)...someone some of you might know.

ROVER

And she slides across the table a newspaper, which is the newspaper we saw in the intro saying, "CROWN SMITH AMONG DISAPPEARANCES CAUSES UPROAR IN THE CITY."

The crown smith is, for Viktor and Josie, known as Jonny de Rolo, a Halfling man who has been making the crown, but not just the crown. Also, he's famous for making weaponry, for making some of the metallic arms in your own bounty hunter sector, and is one of the closest, almost assistants, to the weaponsmith that you know as Nyx. N-Y-X. And she slides the paper across, and just says,

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Jonny's gone.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Damn. (Stammering) Wh-When?

ROVER [as SAFRA]

We don't know. What I've heard from our lovely friend Miguel...

ROVER

She says with a big, big sigh.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

He...his sister, and our lovely president Tobias, really does not want...he doesn't want us to exist. So he's, instead of using our professional, trained people, he has been looking for untrained professionals, basically...

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

Scabs.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

...around the entirety of our globe. And Miguel has told us that by now, they might have a team ready to investigate Jonny's disappearance. And I would really like to have Jonny back in our hands, and not in theirs.

JO [as VIKTOR]

Understood.

ANNIE [as JOSIE]

The last thing we need is a guy like Jonny being killed by his rescuers, I agree.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Wonderful. I need you guys to go to Oxford, to his shop, to double check if he's...I mean he's probably not there, but like, to check if there's anything that we know, that we notice, that we can take with us for more knowledge. I mean, Viktor, I know you're kind of good in the knowledge part.

JO [as VIKTOR]

What an understatement, but yeah, sure.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

I'm sure that we will be fine. And Corwin...if you, you know, do this well, and your comrades tell me that you're doing a good job, you'll be in.

ELIZABETH [as CORWIN]

Fair is fair.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

Good.

MIRA [as UNA]

What do you mean we are going to Oxford? We are not...in Oxford right now?

ROVER [as SAFRA]

We are...not. Do you think we're in Oxford?

MIRA [as UNA]

Well, otherwise I wouldn't ask my question...boss. Lady. Sir.

ROVER [as SAFRA]

There is...a lot you still need to learn. Alright.

ROVER

And with that, we are ending it for episode 1 of Remains To Be Seen.

Wooo!

ELIZABETH

Ayyy.

ROVER

Thank you so much for listening. And what happens next in our group, what happens in the future in the other group, we'll find out in the next one. You know, it all remains to be seen, all the time.

Bye everyone!

ROVER

Bye-bye everyone.

ALL

Bye!

[Show outro plays]

ROVER

Remains To Be Seen is an original podcast created by Dyaflame Studios and licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial Share-alike 4.0 International License.

Today’s episode was produced by Rik den Breejen and edited by Rover Elliott and Jo Mendacium. It starred:

Elizabeth Simpson as Corwin Duvall

Jo Mendacium as Viktor Valthayne

Annie Ruby as Josie

Mirah Fae as Una

and Rover Elliott as the Dungeon Master

The intro and outro was composed by We Talk of Dreams, and the transcript was written by Elizabeth Simpson.

To get in touch with us and keep up to date with our antics, follow us on Instagram, BlueSky and TikTok @ DyaflameStudios or view our website at www.dyaflame.com

Check our show notes for additional credits, links and transcripts.